


When the World Made Sense

by hunters_retreat



Category: Dark Angel
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, December Drabble Days, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Transgenic-Human Movement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-15
Updated: 2012-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-20 17:29:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 26,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4796105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunters_retreat/pseuds/hunters_retreat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once upon a time, Logan Cale's life made sense. Maybe not to anyone else, but it did to him. That was before he'd ever heard of Manticore, or X-5's, and certainly before he found himself the head of the Trans-normal movement that had sparked after the explosive outing of transgenics in Terminal City. Two years of fighting for the cause had taken its toll though, and not just on Logan. Anti-trans groups put a price on their heads and none more so than for Alec McDowell.</p>
<p>Alec tried to act like none of it bothered him but Logan knew different. They were co-conspirators and stood shoulder to shoulder leading the movement. An offhanded comment has Logan thinking it's time for a change, for the movement and for himself. Will Logan's grand experiment - a self-sustaining farming community for humans and transgenics alike - give them the chance to make peace with the world or will it fail? Will it give Alec the chance to finally heal from his emotional scars that a life as a Manticore assassin left him? And will they both finally realize what they’ve been fighting for all along?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

  

 

 

The room was silent as the clatter died away, the remnants of Logan Cale’s usually pristine desk scattered across the floor by a transgenic who had yet to learn how to keep his temper in check.  He would in time because no one actually got close enough to Logan to make a mistake like that twice. 

Logan tuned out the forthcoming words – threats – about the proper way to address Logan and what the right amount of respect was for him, human or not.  He turned to look out the window of his high rise apartment, taking in the beauty of the night sky and for once not seeing the reminder of what it once had been.  If there were fewer lights to fill the sky it just gave him more of a chance to catch the stars by.

“Logan,” he was being addressed by one of the usual speakers.  There were fifteen members of the Tribunal, a mix of humans and transgenics of different specialty, but few spoke as bluntly as Mole did.  “No matter how he says it, he’s right.  How much will the next bounty be set for?  When will it become so high that-“

“The price isn’t the problem.” 

It was the first time Logan had spoken since the outburst and there was a brush of shoulder on shoulder as he felt his partner in crime at his side.  Not that Logan needed the show of support.  Everyone knew that where Logan went so did Alec McDowell.  The Trans-normal Movement had no choice but to follow Logan anyway.  The transgenics on the Tribunal had little enough dealings with the human population to be able to handle it well and most of the humans that worked with the movement kept their association hush-hush for fear of reprisal on their families. 

Logan looked over at Alec and the casual way he’d brushed against him.  Two years ago that wouldn’t have been possible.  A year ago it wouldn’t have been, but the bounty hunters had created a pathway between them that Logan was grateful for, no matter how he hated the rest of the outcome.

“The problem,” Logan said, turning to look back to the transgenic that Alec had backed into the wall earlier, “is that there is an illegal bounty in the first place.  We’ve got people on the inside of the police and we should have seen this circulating before it hit the public like this.”

“Come on, Logan.”  Mole interrupted, “The problem is that we live in a shithole that doesn’t want us.”

Logan signed and he felt Alec shift his stance.  Alec and Mole were fairly adversarial in their roles on the Tribunal but mostly because Mole spoke what no one else wanted to.  Alec and Logan knew what was being said just as well as the others did, but Alec took Mole’s attitude as challenging their authority while Logan knew that Mole was simply trying to be a voice of reason – even if he failed at keeping his personal feelings about the ordinaries outside of Terminal City aside.

“So you think we should just give up?  I don’t know about you Mole, but I spent enough of my life in a cage.  I don’t want to spend the rest of my life running,” Alec commented offhandedly.

“Yeah, it’s a real hardship for you, pretty boy, having to fit in with the humans.”

Logan placed a hand on Alec’s wrist and stopped his partner before he could move forward.  It spoke volumes of the way their friendship had developed that he could interpret Alec’s intentions quickly enough to stop him.  That Alec was willing to stay his movements for Logan. 

“Alec might be an X-5, but it’s been his face on the front of most of the bounties we’ve come across.  Tease him about his good looks on your own time because we all know that Alec is the most well-known and easily identifiable face of the Trans-normal Movement.”       

“I’m just asking, why are we still here?” Mole said, speaking directly to Logan this time.  Alec relaxed but Logan didn’t take his hand from his wrist just yet.  “We settled into Terminal City because the humans that lived there left us alone and it was the closest place we could find to fill our needs and keep us hidden.  There was never a warm fuzzy welcome for us here, never an open invitation to join their ranks of citizenship.  Why are we making the head of our movement in a place where the human allies we want to keep can’t live and where the authorities refuse to back us?”

Logan’s grip on Alec’s arm tightened and he swallowed against the lump in his throat.  Why were they?  Why had he never once thought about moving out of the area?  There were plenty of transgenics that were making more successful transitions in different cities.  He’d had contact with a number of them when they first started reaching out to make alliances in other places.  The head of the Trans-normal Movement had somehow remained in Seattle where the going was the roughest and Logan wondered why he’d never thought of moving to another city before. 

“We’ll take care of the bounty in the morning,” Alec said to the others while Logan was still reeling with Mole’s last comment.  “In the morning,” he said again, apparently stopping an objection though Logan couldn’t for the life of him have said who it was that was complaining.  “We have office hours for a reason and complaints – even as whole unit – about the price tag on this one bounty don’t warrant overstaying your welcome this far.”

No one questioned Alec.  No one dared.  There were transgenics that had been around longer, transgenics that had specialties that Alec couldn’t touch on, but Alec had an impeccable reputation among his kind.  He had a service record that they’d have killed for – which Alec had done actually – and he never stopped learning new skills to add to the arsenal he already had at hand.  When Alec fought it was dirty and bloody and he was the only one left standing.  Logan had seen it a few times in the early days when the transgenics picked the strongest based on that sort of might-makes-right pack mentality.  That Alec had always deferred to Max had given her the key leadership role without having to prove her worth.  Logan still didn’t know if Alec regretted that choice or not, but Max wasn’t their problem anymore.

It wasn’t until the door shut that the sound pulled Logan from his thoughts.  He looked up, realizing at the same time that he still had Alec’s arm gripped tightly.  “Sorry,” he muttered, dropping the other man’s wrist.

Alec gave him an odd smile.  “Don’t mention it,” he said as he walked to the door and locked it up.  “You seemed a little out of it.  Something happen that I’m not aware of?”

It wasn’t the accusation it would have been a year ago.  It had been a good year between them, no matter the cost.  “Why _are_ we still here?” Logan asked.

Alec cocked an eyebrow at him as he moved into the kitchen and helped himself to Logan’s stocked fridge.  When he came back with two waters and no answer, Logan nodded in his direction, asking for an explanation.

“You’re serious?” Alec asked.  “I know you aren’t thinking about giving up on the cause, so what’s behind this?”

“We started this fight because we didn’t have a choice, Alec.  None of us could have walked away after the day White trapped us at Jam Pony and all of this is just a consequence of that.  It’s been worth it, you know I believe that.  You know that Eyes Only believes that.  Mole had a point though.  Why are we killing ourselves to make peace with a city that wants to kill us?”

Alec sighed.  “You know why.  If this had been handled differently, if White hadn’t been the fanatic he was, maybe we would have had a different reaction from the general population.  The what ifs will drive us crazy though, Logan.  We can’t think like that.”

“Try this one.  What if we moved?  What if we took the whole damn movement and got away from Terminal City and Seattle?  What does it say to the world that the place we make our ‘capital city’ is uninhabitable to half the populace we claim to represent?  What if we took our people and declared Seattle unsuitable for Trans-normal populations and asked people to join us in leaving the city?”

“I know you well enough to know you’re serious, Logan, but are you serious?”

Logan gave a half laugh.  “There are other cities that would welcome us in and there are large stretches of land that haven’t been inhabited since the Pulse.  We could make a choice this time, Alec.”

Alec let out a deep sigh and closed his eyes, letting Logan get a good long look, assessing his friend.  There were dark circles under Alec’s eyes which made the green seem duller and less lively than usual.  He wasn’t getting outside much and he was pale.  Physically, Logan knew that Alec was in great shape, but that didn’t mean his emotional state was something to write home about.  In fact, the more Logan thought about moving the community into a remote area, the better he felt about it.  He could always keep the Trans-normal Movement relevant with Eyes Only broadcasts, the alliances they had made and the branches they had in other cities.  Having a chance to run a grand experiment – to live hand in hand with humans and transgenics – in a new home which had no animosity for either party seemed an opportunity too great to pass up, and it would give Logan time to make sure that Alec took care of himself.

“We make choices every day, Logan.”

It would be Alec’s final words of the night if Logan let it go.  “Are you okay, Alec?” he asked.  Two years of taking care of others had left them both exhausted but it was more than that with Alec.  A year ago, a bounty had come out for both Max and Alec heads and while Alec had scoffed at an ordinary trying to kill him, someone had come for Max.  She held the same disdain, but when the bullet had come, Original Cindy had pushed Max out of the way and died for it.  Max had fallen apart and Alec did the only thing he could; he took on more and more responsibility while Max drifted further away from them.  Neither had been able to live with their guilt and Logan knew that Alec still believed that if Max had been able to turn to Logan in her grief that she’d have recovered and been able to move the Trans-normal Movement along better than he had.  And Alec still carried the blame of giving Logan the virus that had separated them in the first place.

“You know me, Logan,” Alec said, his smile looked tired but genuine.  Right up until he turned the nob on the door and looked back at Logan again.  “I’m always alright.”

**

“Did you go to bed at all last night?”

The voice tickled his ear and Logan would have jumped out of his seat if it weren’t the steady hand on his shoulder.  The laughter behind him was warm and Logan looked up to see the smile that lingered there.  “Alec, what are you doing here?”     

“I got a call last night about a bounty hunter.  Detective Sung got some information and asked me to drop by this morning so I did.  Not much on who put it out there but this current round of bounty hunters should be out of our hair.” 

“Until the next one comes,” Logan reminded him.

“Yeah, well that’s why we’re moving right?”

“You think we should then?” Logan countered the question with one of his own.  No matter that Alec never went against him in front of the others, Logan needed to know that Alec agreed with his assessment of things.  They debated things long and hard when everyone else was gone, Logan hammering his ideas into Alec’s head until he gave in or until Alec took that nail and turned it around until it was Alec convincing Logan.  They worked well together and in the last year they’d been able to do miraculous things, even with the bounties.

Alec shook his head.  “I was sitting there in this meeting with Sung and all I kept thinking about was that all the things we were talking about might happen easier if we weren’t actually here.  If we weren’t surrounded by a city full of people ready to take a shot at us, the anti-hate message might get through.  If the bounties stopped and the city was allowed to let its wounds heal, the message might get through.”

“You believe that?”

“It can’t hurt, right?  Look, White screwed us ten ways to Sunday-”

“Common verbal usage again?”

Alec smiled at the interruption.  “Right in one.  Anyway, with the way White had everyone in Seattle worked up against us and the way we came out to the public, it’s not exactly hard to understand why we’re feared.  So I started wondering, what would it be like if we had been able to control our integration into the city like the rest of Transgenics could?  We can’t change what happened in Seattle and the way we had to fight against White to keep our lives but maybe we can start new?  Make those choices you said we could.  That is if you really think you could do it.”

It was meant to poke at him and it did a bit.  Alec didn’t let anyone second guess Logan’s ability but the man was more than happy to do it himself. 

“No, I can’t do it.  Not alone.  Do you think the Tribunal will support a move?”

“The Tribunal will do whatever we tell them too.”  There was confidence in Alec’s voice; annoyance as well.  The Tribunal gave justice to their community, made sure they treated each other fairly, and they voted on important matters for the Movement.  Alec was right though.  If Alec and Logan stood together on an issue – and they always did – the Tribunal did as they wanted.  The humans seemed to be more likely to fight with them and Max had always said that the transgenics would eventually too.  They just needed time to adjust to making their own choices and to stop taking orders.  When Max left though the progress she’d made went with her though.  They’d started at square one with Alec and he’d made them fight for it every step of the way.  If they didn’t go along with an idea, he made them explain why.  He bullied and browbeat them to make them stand up for themselves even though they didn’t know that was why he did it.  They were starting to be advocates for their community again though.  It wasn’t enough yet, not by a long shot.  It wasn’t enough to have a Tribunal to make their choices official; they needed a legitimate form of authority and until they had the ability to make their own decisions without feeling the need to bow down to a higher authority, they were still just a group of people who were lost.

“I guess the real question then, is where do we move?”  
  
**

It took three months to answer that question.  It hadn’t happened quickly or easily.  Logan had researched the larger cities to see if one of them would be better suited to the Trans-normal Movement but when Alec had made a crack about just pitching a tent and farming for themselves, Logan had taken the idea and run with it. 

Alec wasn’t really sure how that joke had made it into a real idea.  He wasn’t sure how his comment about wine country and drinking away the profits had amounted into a road trip either.  That didn’t change the fact that days later he and Logan were standing in the middle of a kitchen in what was once the family owned house on a huge self-sustaining farm.

“We could set up a temporary base of operations in the house and start converting the largest barn into living quarters pretty quick,” Logan said as he stared out the large bay window that overlooked the gently sloping yard. 

The land was fertile and the valley was in a good location; close to a river and there was a large pond on the premise in case anything happened to the public water system.  There were signs of wildlife but not so much that the farm had been overrun and there were neighboring fruit tree farms that had been left on their own when the entire valley had been left unattended. 

Dead bodies in the house explained what had happened to the previous occupants.  When the initial Pulse had hit the country, it took more than the electrical equipment.  With power out and the lights down, America had gone cannibalistic, tearing away at itself.  Looters and scavengers had done plenty of damage and a lot of people fled for the supposed safety of numbers in the cities.  Not everyone made it out though and not all of the deaths were murder.  Some people just got sick from improperly treated water and illness had spread.  Large areas of country were left to fall fallow, waiting for a chance to start again.  Looked like they were going to get that chance now. 

“So we have our offices here.  We’ll use the existing structure of the barns to create cabin-style housing until we can get ourselves established, then turn to finding a way to make us self-sufficient in the next year or so.  Piece of cake.”  Alec didn’t bother to hide his disbelief at the amount of work Logan had in store for them or the sheer scope of his vision.

Logan looked at him, smiling slightly and Alec tried to ignore the way it made him feel.  He loved to see the normally stressed look on Logan’s face leave if only for a moment.  It was even better when Alec was the one that made it happen. 

“We could set it up in three teams.  After the quarters are livable, we have one group start working construction, one group working on farming and hunting, and then another working on security.”

Alec nodded, though the logistics were more Logan’s thing than his.  It all made sense and Alec was more than happy to let Logan take control.

“What do you think about the valley?”

They were located in the Sierra foothills in southern California and while Alec liked the sun overhead and the lack of rain, he still couldn’t help but feel that moving would change everything they’d done.  That didn’t make it the wrong move, but he still worried.  Hell, worrying about what Logan was talking him into _this time_ was practically his job description now.  So much so that he sometimes had to remind himself that he wasn’t supposed to get emotionally attached to other people.  He’d screwed up, letting them in as far as he had.              

Logan was as far under his skin as Max had been and nothing Alec did or said could change that now, but Alec kept close to Logan, hoping that he didn’t make the same mistakes again.  He indulged himself with his friendship with Logan and he couldn’t afford it with anyone else.  He couldn’t allow himself to lose any more pieces of himself.

“It’s defensible,” Alec answered Logan’s question.  “There are some hills that have been cut through for roads that would give us a way to wall in the surrounding area and make it a more secure location.  There are the houses on the other side of the farm that could be used also if they’re as abandoned as all the rest of this.  The ones we saw on the edge of the fruit farms?”

Logan nodded his head and Alec knew Logan remembered the houses he was talking about.  They’d talked about bringing a small contingent of people up first to get things started.  It would be hard work – all manual labor – just to get the place ready for anyone else to live.  The local government had been thrilled at the idea of having them there so they’d ceded the abandoned land to them which left them with just a need to feed and fend for themselves. 

Using the barns to create small rooms with large main common areas had grated on Logan but then Alec pointed out that their safety was assured in close quarters like that and that they’d had far worse both in Manticore and in Terminal City. 

“You know it’s a good place Logan.  Hell, what are the chances that we found an already designed self-sustaining farm that just needs to be fixed up?”

That was the icing on the cake.  They’d have found a way to make it work but this place wasn’t just an average farm.  It was built to be a permaculture masterpiece.  Everything about the design had three to four functions from the placement to the type of crops, to the use of elevation and native flora.  The entire thing was centered on the farmhouse and the inner buildings and worked their way out from there.  It was solar powered and featured a variety of crops and livestock that would survive well together and that would feed one another.  There was a composting site and a series of greenhouses on the premise also.  Alec didn’t know much about permaculture – or agriculture in general – but Syl did and she’d gone crazy over the place.   The greenhouses and the solar panels needed some repair but they were minor.

Logan nodded.  “Chances?”

Alec smiled because he knew how many hours Logan had looked and searched for the right place.  It might have been his offhand comment that got Logan thinking about farming but Logan did the research and exhausted his resources until he had what he needed. 

“Yeah.  Not like you went looking and found it or anything.”

Logan snorted at that and Alec smiled.  Logan rarely let himself just laugh.  He had become guarded over the years, they all had, but it was nice to see him let himself out just a little bit. 

“Camp out here tonight?” Logan asked Alec.

That hadn’t been the plan and Alec hadn’t packed camping gear, but the house had a working fireplace and there was plenty of wood to stave off the cooler night air.  They both had a change of clothes in case they’d needed to get dirty while they were there but they had intended to go back to the city and find lodgings there for the night.  As much as Alec would prefer to find a nice soft bed, he thought Logan might benefit from the break. 

“You get a fire started in the main house and I’ll see what else I can find around here.”

He left before Logan could answer but he knew the other man would go along with him.  Alec walked outside and grabbed their bags and took them inside before he ran back out.  He found an old bucket and it didn’t take long to fill it up with produce from the farm.  It would take a lot of work to get everything back into the shape it had been but they had the time and the people to do it. 

Alec left the food by the door and went in search of water.  He wasn’t sure if the pond was drinkable but there was a well pump close to the house and he pulled out their water testing kit.  They’d brought it along to check everything and now what as good a time as any to try it.  He ran the tests and they came out good.  He’d expected them too since they’d been assured that the water was good but Alec took a couple vials of water and labeled them ‘well’ so that Logan could get a complete analysis done when they got back.  Though the land was already theirs, it was contingent on Logan’s findings about water and soil balances. 

He brought the water back in the jugs he had in the back of the car.  It was safer to keep water in the car when they were travelling, just in case they hit a stretch of road that had none which was all too likely since the pulse. 

Alec walked through the back door and stopped to kick his shoes off in the mud room; he wasn’t a total heathen, no matter what Logan said, thank you very much.  Alec might be rough around the edges but he preferred it that way.  He always had.  It probably had something to do with the nice polish Manticore had always tried to force on him but Alec didn’t like to look back at that.  Sure, he had some sleepless nights about what he’d done as a soldier – as an assassin – but he tried not to let it interfere with the here and now.  It was the here and now that was important and Alec was damn good at pushing the rest of it away when he had to.

The mud room would be good when they had a full contingent of people working the fields and they were using the main house as a meeting area.  Logan had talked about keeping their personal offices in the main house and allowing the outer buildings to hold all the personnel but those were the sort of details they needed the Tribunal to make.

He set the jugs up on the large island counter in the kitchen.  It was a nice sized kitchen, more suited to a large family unit – which the house had obviously been built for - and it felt empty with just Alec there.  The bucket of produce he’d left had been moved and Alec was about to call out when Logan entered on the other side. 

“Decided to take a vacation or something?  I thought X-5s were fast?”

“Ha ha,” Alec said as he tapped the jugs.  He remembered the water vials and pulled them out of the pouch he carried.  “From the well for later.”

Logan smiled and Alec knew it was because he’d remembered to do it no matter that it would just take a few minutes to go back out and get it.  Logan was always awed when people did small things like that.  It made Alec want to strangle whoever made him think that he had to take care of every little detail himself, but it was part of who the man was and Alec was rather fond of Logan, even if he’d never admit it aloud.

“Come on in.  I figured we could just settle in the main room with the fire.”

Alec grabbed the water and followed Logan through the dining room, past the massive table, and into the next room.  It was a common room where a great fireplace stood with furniture that delineated a group meeting area as well as two smaller nook areas for private conversations.  One wall held a bookcase that was still full.  A lot of them were about the native flora and fauna and the things needed to run the farm and Logan had been ecstatic at the find.  Alec was happy to find a couple good spy novels and a mystery series. 

It smelled good and Alec looked at the fire to see that Logan had not only gotten it started but had brought their food supplies out of the packs and had rigged a pot over the fire.  He knew it would be a while before whatever Logan was doing was edible but it was already starting to cover the dusty scent of the room.

Their bags were by the fire and their sleeping mats were unrolled in front of it.  The furniture was pushed to the side because of the dust that covered it.  They’d have to clean it well before using it, maybe let it air out a few nights after to get it good and clean and make sure dust wasn’t the only scent lingering.  They’d opened up all the windows that morning to try to let the place air out but Logan had gone through and closed them to keep the heat in. 

“This was a good idea,” Alec said as he put the water on the floor.

“The farm?”

“Staying tonight,” Alec said with a small smile. 

“What, you’re ready to leave your big city already?”

Alec scoffed at that as he sat down on his sleeping mat.  “As long as you can promise me a distillery at some point, I’m willing to put the assassination attempts behind me.  Don’t know about you but I’m more than happy to get the bounty off my head.”

Logan frowned and Alec knew that look.  It wasn’t a bad look exactly, but it meant Logan was reading more into his words than Alec wanted him too.  When had he realized that Logan had a look like that anyway?

“You know,” Logan said, picking at the corner of the blanket he had draped over the end of his bag, “I wanted to be a photographer before I became a journalist?  My family hated the idea of it and I ended up being a photojournalist to appease them a little.  I never wanted that, but then I felt like I couldn’t turn my back on what I was seeing and I was good at what I did.  When I became a cyber-journalist it was just a step away from what I’d already been doing and then Eyes Only happened.  I never wanted any of that, but there I was, neck deep in politics and espionage and a one man terrorist group.  I thought when TC opened up and we were all exposed that it would get easier.  Funny, huh?  The idea that being exposed as part of a secret agenda would make my life easier?”

Logan sounded tired and Alec felt every bit of it with him.  Alec had never chosen any of it.  He hadn’t asked to be freed from Manticore.  He hadn’t asked to be part of a revolution.  He hadn’t asked to be part of a new alliance of humans and transhumans, trying to forge a future that didn’t have to mean one or the other.  He was though and there were days when it wore on him so much he didn’t want to get out of bed.  Those were the days he planted his feet, dug in, and remembered that he wasn’t the only one in that position.

“As much as I understood the hate, I never realized the anti-trans would go to these lengths to get rid of us,” Logan said, shaking his head as he looked down at his hands.  He looked up then.  “This community could give us all the time and distance to be happy again.  If we can get people to give it a chance.”

Alec took one of the water jugs and filled Logan’s canteen with it before handing it off and filling his own.  He tipped it towards Logan and smiled when they let out a dull clunk.  “We’re giving it a chance.  If you and I can leave all that behind us, who are they to say it can’t work?”

Logan’s smile grew brighter then and it was moments like this one that Alec lived for.  Since OC’s death, Alec had been trying to make up for the pain he’d caused.  He didn’t think he could.  No matter what he did or said he could never be the source of earthy advice that OC had been.  Nor could he take Max’s place as Logan’s confidante or friend, but if he’d been quicker, if he’d taken the threat more seriously, maybe OC wouldn’t have died and Max wouldn’t have closed in on herself to the point that she left TC and disappeared into the night without a word.

“You’ve got a good point, Alec.  If you and I can see eye to eye on this after everything that’s been stacked against us, we can make everyone else see the benefits too.”

**

 

It wasn’t as easy as it sounded and they’d known it then, but the water and soil had come back as clean as they’d expected it to.  The advantages of a system that was built on self-sustainability was just that: the ability to keep fairly well with little to no maintenance needed.  Alec had gone out two weeks after they got the all clear from the lab tests and took a contingent of people with him to get started.  They’d done an inventory on what was needed immediately, then decided to clean up the main house, start construction on the larger barns to make them into more livable structures, and work on the gardens. 

Logan didn’t like letting Syl leave with the group but she had been assigned an undercover mission with an agricultural group in the past and she was the one with the hands on knowledge that would get the farm working.  She and Alec could worked faster and longer than the others without tiring and Logan would worry about that if it weren’t for the fact that he knew Alec would make Syl follow the Trans-normal Movement guidelines for how long transgenics were allowed to work without a break.  Logan had mentioned to her that she should make sure Alec did as well. 

Syl was a good asset to have and she was one of the X-5’s that Max had escaped Manticore with when they were just ten years old.  Alec never really liked being around the escapees and Logan had a good idea why.  It wasn’t just that Ben had gotten him into trouble when he’d gone crazy, but something deeper.  Logan didn’t know what PSY-OPS was, outside of a vague sense of it, but when Alec let the word drop around Max in the old days, she’d clam up and it ended whatever argument had crept up between them. 

He knew it wasn’t good and that was enough to make Logan weary of putting Alec with an escapee but Alec claimed he was fine with Syl and he’d set about making sure they had everything they needed.

Now, looking at the front of the house, Logan couldn’t help but be impressed.  The house needed a new coat of paint once they could get to that sort of thing, but the weeds and grasses around the house had been trimmed and cut.  There was an herb garden in the front that had been worked on, and to the side of the house the two animal runs had been cleaned up.  Large walkways were free of debris and Logan knew if he walked around the back the area closest to the house would be cleaned up as well. 

The windows to the house were open and Logan could see sheer curtains in them, blowing with the breeze.  A smile passes his lips at the thought of someone making Alec do the laundry and hang curtains, but he had to admit that seeing the main house ready and livable gave him more faith in the project than he’d had at first viewing.  It made an impressive sight and he wasn’t sure who’d thought to make that a priority.  Both Syl and Alec were trained to understand diplomacy and the advantages of the setting in negotiations so it could be either of them.  Of course, it could just be Gemma who loved to decorate to make up for the lack of choice in her earlier life at Manticore.

“Almost there,” Logan heard a familiar voice call out.  The men and woman that had come with him followed Logan around the side of the house and Logan smiled as Alec came into view.  Beyond the porch that wrapped around the front of the house to the back, there was a large barbeque pit built into the side where a great number of people could gather for food when it was nice out.  Past that was the fruit orchard. 

Syl was on the ground, staring up into a plum tree.  Alec was actually in the tree, bare chested and stretching up to try to reach to the highest branches.  He could probably just jump to get it but he had become reticent to show that sort of ability in front of ordinaries.  Logan wasn’t sure why, but it was on the growing list of things he needed to figure out about Alec McDowell. 

The sun was hidden behind a cloud so he could make out Alec’s features without being blinded by the sun behind him.  It was a pretty picture and it made Logan itch for a camera in a way that he hadn’t in years.  After the admission to Alec when they’d first come out to the farm, Logan had felt the pull more and more.  He had a good camera packed away actually, having decided he wanted to document the community in a new way.  He had pictures of their first trip and he planned to get plenty more before it was all said and done. 

“Will someone get the cat down out of the tree?” Mole called out from behind Logan.

Alec turned to see them there and Logan smiled brighter as their eyes met and Alec’s confused look turned to honest amusement.  “That’s the best you got?” Alec asked as he turned back to the task at hand.  A second later he dropped three plums down to Syl who caught each deftly before gently placing them in a bucket. 

“What are you doing, Alec?” Logan asked as he walked closer. 

“Figured we better collect some of this before it all started to go bad.  There are a lot of animals living off the droppings but we’ve started collecting some of them and we figured if we had too much it was time to start storing up for winter anyway.”

Logan could kiss him for the subtle reminder to the small crowd that they couldn’t afford to waste anything.  “Need some help?”

“We’ve got it,” Syl said with a grin.  “Alec, why don’t you show Logan around up here while I take everyone to the barns?”

Alec frowned but it was superficial and Logan didn’t worry about it as Syl began leading people away.  “Come on folks.  The barns we’ll be sleeping in are just this way.  I’ll point out what we’ve been doing and you can see what we still need to do.”

She walked off and Mole and the rest of the group that had come in with Logan followed her.  “What exactly are you supposed to show me?”

Alec watched the others go, then looked up, made an impossible leap into the air to snatch a plum off the highest branch, and landed on his feet with a smile.  He held a hand out to Logan who took the offered plum.  “Apparently our plans to move the office into the main house have been partially disrupted.  Not that I’m complaining because Mole snores loud enough to wake the dead, but I didn’t know they were doing it.”

“What did they do?”

“Come on in and I’ll show you,” Alec said, grabbing Logan’s duffle from where he’d dropped it.  They walked around to the front of the house and Alec opened the front door, letting Logan in first.

His first impression was that the house was immaculate.  It had been scrubbed clean and the furniture had either been cleaned and aired well or it had been completely replaced.  No one would know that the room had recently held nothing but dust-covered furnishings.  It was well lit with windows opening into the great room.  The fireplace had a few new accessories; a hanging hook where a tea pot hung and it looked fresh scrubbed as well.

“Wow,” Logan said with a little awe.

“We divided into three teams.  Syl took one group to start on the farming, I took one group for the farm buildings, and Gemma took one group for the main house.”  Alec smiled at him over his shoulder as he moved towards the stairs that led to the four offices upstairs.  “It’s easy to forget that Gemma used to be a drill sergeant.  She reminded everyone lately.”

Logan laughed about that because he had actually forgotten about her training.  She was good with people though and even better with young children.  They’d talked about setting up a crèche system at some point so that all parents would be able to contribute to the farm and everyone would be able to contribute to the raising of the children.  They said it took a village and Logan planned on giving every single member of their community the support of the village. 

“She managed to get this place so clean?”

“She managed more.”

Alec trotted up the stairs then and Logan followed him, knowing there was nothing else to say.  When he got to the top of the stairs he was surprised by what he saw.  The two bedrooms that had been at the top of the stairs had the wall cut out and were now glass from waist level up.  The wall that had separated them was gone, leaving only a temporary partition between the two rooms. 

“A conference room?” Logan asked. 

“Yep.”

Alec walked further down the hallway and opened up the next door.  “The bedrooms were made into two separate offices, though they expanded a bit by knocking down more walls and using the storage closets that were up here.”

On the right was what had once been the master bedroom.  They’d talked about making it into the conference room but apparently he’d been vetoed on that one.  Alec opened the door and walked in, dropping Logan’s bag.  “Home sweet home,” he said softly.

He was in a sitting room.  That was the only words he could describe it as.  A sitting room with a small reading library to one side.  On the other side was a media library that was no doubt meant to appease Alec.  The bathroom door was open and Logan could see the other changes then too.  “Who lives here?”

“We do.”

“What?”

“Apparently, since we’re running this show, we need to be in the main house.  I didn’t know they were doing this until it was already too late to stop it.  Gemma had some good points though and Syl backed her up.  The Tribunal gave their blessing before they left.  But at least we’ve got some privacy up here from the group and we’re close by in case of emergencies.”

Logan took a deep breath as he walked further in, pushing open the door to one of the rooms.  He knew without having to see the other that nothing had been moved into it either.  Alec had been waiting for Logan to arrive to pick one. 

“Which is mine?” Logan asked, wanting to give Alec the chance to choose.

“Figured you’d want the one closest to the books,” Alec said with a small smile as he crossed his arms over his chest. 

What he didn’t say was that the one closest to the books was the back room and would be the one least likely to fall under any sort of damage if someone chose to attack the farm from the front.  It would get the least light in the morning and would get the light better in the late afternoon when Logan would be more likely to try to relax.

“Sounds great,” Logan said.  He’d learned not to turn down Alec’s offerings.  Speaking of which, “these any good?” he asked as he held up the plum.

“Haven’t tried it yet.  Syl seemed to think so.”

Logan brought the plum to his lips and took a bite.  It was perfectly ripe and Logan had juice dribbling over his fingers quickly.  He let out a little moan at the sweetness of it.  Fresh fruit was a commodity that the cities were lacking.  If they could get enough crops growing to support themselves, they’d make a nice little padding trading surplus to the cities. 

“Is this heaven?” Logan asked with a grin.

Alec was suddenly in his space, his hand holding Logan’s as he brought the plum to his own mouth.  He bit into the flesh of it, sucking at the juices before he licked his lips.  “Maybe.  Feels a little bit like Eden, all this fresh fruit and temptation, don’t ya think?  Think the snakes will show up soon?”

Alec moved past quickly, taking Logan’s duffle with him, making his head spin at the suddenness of his movements. 

Alright, so Logan was confused as hell by Alec most of the time.  He knew he had Alec’s loyalty.  They’d both earned that.  This – thing – between them though was unlooked for and unwanted.  It was also undeniable and no matter how many times Logan tried to push it down, it popped right back up.  He could see Alec do the same thing, try to give himself space.  It never lasted though.  They worked together and fought together and they were so wrapped up in one another for so long now that Logan wasn’t sure he’d know what to do without Alec in the back of his head, whispering what the X-5 would do in any given situation. 

He closed his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat before he pushed away from the door frame and followed Alec into the other room. 

The rooms had the same design with similar furnishings.  Whereas the bed and table in Alec’s room had been a darker wood, Logan’s was cherry.  At this time of day, there was plenty of light for Logan to see by and it would be late in the summer months before he’d have to use lights in his room.

“This is amazing,” he said softly. 

“Yeah, Gemma really kicked them into gear.  She and Syl worked together to get the front part of the house cleaned up.  Most of the farming so far has been to gather what’s ripe, figure out how to store it, and learn how to make it last.  A few plots have been cleared up as Syl wanted to try her hand at some seeds she’d found.  We also got the first barn converted into sleeping quarters.  We took the smallest one and then began working on the plans to reconstruct the other into actual rooms.  It will be pretty Spartan but someone had the idea to do moveable walls so people could cohabitate without much trouble and that’s given us some interesting results.”

“You started already?”

“A few days ago.  I’ll walk you down later today so you can see what we’ve got.  Pretty sure lunch will be started soon and they’ll toss us out of here.  Go get cleaned up, Logan.  Rest for a minute, then I’ll walk you around.  Everyone gets their first day off to get their bearings here, then you’re put to work.  Take advantage of it.”

“Where are you gonna be?” Logan asked his friend.

“Taking advantage of the fact that everyone thinks we’re glued to the hip and getting a few extra Z’s in.  Who the hell put the chicken coop so close to the house was insane.  I’m gonna strangle the damn rooster if he keeps waking me up so damn early.”

Logan laughed as Alec walked out of the room.  He couldn’t help but stare at the place Alec had just vacated.  Finally he pulled himself together and began unpacking.  He wasn’t sure he liked the idea of being that close to the center of things all the time, but Alec was right.  Living here would give them a way to separate from the others without having to make people feel like they were walking away.  It would give them a little peace of mind and they would be close to the offices at all times.  Like when it was 4am and Logan needed a piece of information that was sitting on his desk.

He didn’t know for sure how it would all work out, but he knew Alec was at his side and that was what mattered.  The dark smudges under his eyes weren’t gone, but they were better and Logan could see a little of the spirit Alec had always had beginning to show up again.  If for nothing else, it was worth the experiment for those things. 

**

“God, this is good coffee,” Logan said, sinking into the couch in front of the fire.  The spring nights were chilly and the fireplace offered warmth and the feeling of comfort that he’d never appreciated before he’d moved out to the farm.  Touchstone, as the community called itself, was coming together well and most of the people from TC had been moved out.  Not all the barns had been converted to living quarters yet – some were still used for farm gear as well – but the first barn they’d used was being used as a staging area for the newer people at the farm and it worked well.  It served as a sort of dorm living for the uninitiated and they were easy to round up in the mornings and to gather together at night to talk about the events of the day or what would be coming the next. 

It was a good mix of people and Logan’s contacts with other mixed communities were impressed with their progress so far.  It was still too new to say it was a success yet, but Logan was feeling genuinely optimistic about it all. 

A snort warned him a second before he felt the press of a warm thigh against his own.  He knew it was Alec sitting down beside him and he knew then why the young girl from the construction crew had vacated her seat and settled onto the chair on the other side of the large coffee table.  Alec had his own mug in hand and he smiled smugly as Logan sipped his again, eyes half-lidded in pleasure.

“You made this, didn’t you?” Logan accused. 

Alec’s smile widened as he looked towards the flames.  He didn’t say anything and Logan would have scowled if it weren’t for the fact that the coffee was just that good.  It had been a small miracle that Alec had been able to barter some old farming supplies they didn’t need for coffee beans; a miracle to Logan who loved coffee and had lamented the lack of it at Touchstone since they’d moved in. 

There were close to a dozen people moving in and out of the common room and Logan felt happy for a moment.  This was what he’d thought about when they first talked about creating an open community.  It had never happened in Seattle and Logan still doubted that it ever could, but here it was working. 

“I had a job,” Alec said softly.  No one else could hear, not with the way Alec leaned closer, his lips practically brushing Logan’s ear as he spoke.  “Just a way to get close to someone to plant some tech bugs, but the guy was a coffee addict.  I worked for this little coffee shop for three weeks before he trusted me enough to ask me out.  I wasn’t much of a coffee person honestly, but I loved the smell of it.  It grew on me after I worked there but only if you make it right.  I never found anyone else to make it this way.”

Logan turned to look at Alec.  “You never turned down my coffee before.” 

Alec smiled.  “Yeah, well you paid a fortune for quality beans and you could tell.  Most coffee available nowadays you have to really coax to get a good flavor from.”

Logan couldn’t help the smile that lit up his face.  “Did they make you wear an apron with a name tag on it?”

Alec laughed.  “Yeah, I hated the damn thing.  Manticore didn’t find it funny when I convinced everyone to make tags with fake ID numbers either.  I got in serious trouble for wearing an X5-494 tag.  Everyone had one though and they started taking orders in robotic voices.  I don’t think I’d ever laughed that hard before.” 

There was something in Alec’s eyes and Logan just waited, took another sip from his mug, and knew that Alec wasn’t done yet.

“Yeah, maybe it’s not the coffee I like so much.”

“Sounds like a good memory to have.”

“One of the few from Manticore,” Alec admitted though Logan knew that small fact was hard for the other man to admit.  Alec didn’t talk about it a lot and Logan tried not to press him on it. 

“You gonna teach me the secret of your barista days?”

“Nah,” Alec said with a shake of his head as he turned to focus on the fire.  “Can’t give up all my secrets or you won’t need me around anymore.”

Logan knew it revealed a lot about Alec, that one comment.  Alec said it in jest, but Logan didn’t doubt for one second that Alec felt insecure about his place at the farm.  Alec didn’t need to say anything but in moments the truth spilled out and there was no way for Logan to make Alec understand except to show him just how valuable he was.  Words never really mattered to Alec.  It was all about what was said and done. 

Because of that, Logan answered the only way he could.  “At least you’re good on the eyes.  We’ll keep you for that if nothing else.”

Alec laughed and Logan smiled around the edge of his coffee mug, content to have made Alec smile again.  “It really is good coffee.”

**

“You see the new request?”

Logan looked up from his desk to find Alec standing in the doorway, Mole walking past him. 

“You know this is idiotic, right?” Mole asked as he took the seat across from Logan.  Alec didn’t say anything but 

watched Mole as he tried to talk to Logan.  He was trying to talk some sense into the other man, but Alec knew better.  He knew Logan had accepted the request as soon as he’d seen it. 

“What part of it is idiotic?” Logan asked.  For once Logan didn’t try to make eye contact with Alec, but kept his focus on Mole. 

“Why are we taking in strays when we have enough trouble of our own?”

Logan gave Mole a half smile and Alec still had no idea what Logan thought was so amusing about the Transgenic.  Mole was abrasive at the best of times and their move to the farm hadn’t improved his disposition any.  He’d been happy enough to leave Terminal City but setting up a farm wasn’t his idea of a great time.  He’d actually been the only member of the council to vote against the idea.  He moved to the farm with the rest of them and he didn’t complain too much about it.  That didn’t mean he was any less likely to complain about the rest of it though.

“We have food to share and we have the space.”

“And what do we get out of this?” Mole demanded.

“You get to keep my foot out of your ass,” Alec answered, not liking the way Mole addressed Logan.  It was a point of contention between them and one Alec was never going to forgive.  The beginnings of their community had been at gun point and back then Mole had hated the ordinaries; he wasn’t willing to see that any of them were on their side.   Or maybe it was the joy he seemed to have gotten out of holding a gun to Alec’s chest when they’d been found out and had to hide out at Jam Pony.  Either way there was still no love lost there and Alec didn’t like the way Mole talked to Logan.

“Alec, I got this,” Logan said with a shake of his head.  He didn’t bother to try to stop the animosity between them anymore.  In fact, Alec thought there was a touch of amusement in the slight upturn of the other man’s lips. 

“Mole, we have good relations with the community from San Francisco.  If they have a problem it’s in our best interest to help them out.”

“We don’t own them anything and it’s about time everyone remembered that.”

Alec rolled his eyes.  Mole had been the first one to talk about going to ground but once Max had convinced him to stay as a unit, he’d become adamant about their strength.  He felt the need to constantly remind everyone that they could do everything on their own without help.  It was true, but it wasn’t always the easiest way.  Before the move, they’d started an easy trade of information.  With the closer distance, they were able to open up trade routes between the two – or they would once the farm produced enough to trade, which was the plan he and Logan had talked about – and they hoped to develop a strong relationship with their nearest Trans-human community neighbors.  Mole knew all that, but he was just stirring trouble.

“They are asking for a favor to help a transgenic who can’t seem to find her footing in the city.  They aren’t demanding anything of us.”

Mole stood up quickly and Alec instinctively pushed away from the door frame to get closer.  Mole didn’t seem to notice but Logan’s eyes finally settled on Alec’s.  There was no fear there.  Logan wasn’t afraid of any one of them and he never had been.  He might have taken a little time to get used to seeing some of the stranger variety of freak Manticore produced, but he never acted like he was afraid of them. 

“We don’t need another mouth to feed,” Mole spit out.

“We do need more bodies here, or did you forget your request for more people to help work on the south field?” Logan asked as he stood up from behind the desk.

Alec knew why he was doing it but it would only rile Mole up more, to have Logan standing up to him like that. 

“Everyone on the Tribunal had their say already.  This matter is done.”  Logan watched Mole for a moment before he sat back down at his desk, effectively dismissing Mole.

Mole’s lip twitched in anger and he snarled at Alec as he turned to walk past.  “We don’t need anyone else.”

Alec caught him by the arm, holding him there until their eyes met.  He was pissed and he let the other transgenic see it.  Mole didn’t back off at Alec’s anger, but it gave him pause and that was all Alec needed.  “We don’t turn transgenics away.”

It was the first rule of their community, an unwritten law that predated Alec’s involvement with them.  It went back to Terminal City and knowing that there was no place else to turn to.  If transgenics were turned away back then, it was a death sentence.  Now, the rule still applied, no matter how safe people liked to think they were.  Alec, with a bounty on his head, knew better. 

Mole pulled his arm out of Alec’s grip and Alec let him go.  He stormed out of the office and Alec walked to the doorframe, watching him disappear down the steps.  He let his head fall back and just relaxed for a minute before looking back at Logan.

“So, a new cat lady?  I don’t get along so well with them.”

Logan smiled.  “I’m sure you can charm her, Alec. “

Alec nodded, but when he closed his eyes he could still see the tunnel like it was present day.  The stench had been horrific but it had barely registered with Alec as he made his way through, his mind focused on the small detonating device that had been shot into the base of his neck by Ames White.  The transgenic ahead of him had been a nomalie, a creature too animalistic to survive in the real world, something that should never have been let out of its cage.  This one wasn’t supposed to be as wild, but her appearance gave people pause and apparently her attitude had adjusted to their treatment.  She was brash, ungrateful, and pushed everyone’s buttons according to the information they’d been sent. 

“Mole isn’t the only one unhappy about this though.  There are more than a few people concerned about taking on a troublesome transgenic.”

Alec wasn’t saying it to stir up trouble, but it was the truth.  The transgenics could be calmed easily enough but the humans among them were worried about a transgenic that wouldn’t respect their place in the community. 

“I know.  We’ll have to come up with something.  Maybe a mentorship?” Logan suggested.  “We’ll pair her up with Mole and make him keep an eye on her for us,” he said with a smile.

Alec laughed.  “You sure she wouldn’t just corrupt him?  He’s a nuisance as it is.”  Alec cocked his head to the side and leaned over Logan’s desk.  “You sure you don’t want me to just bury him on the back lot? He’d add nicely to the compost heap.”

Logan laughed then.  “I’ll keep it in mind.  Until then, don’t you have work to do?”

Alec shrugged.  “I thought my job was hanging outside your door and looking pretty?”

“Well, you do it well enough it could be a calling.”

Alec decided it was one of those days though, where he needed to keep close.  He had no doubt there would be another group of people coming to complain about the trouble, or something else, and it was better to just be there with Logan than to be sitting in his own office, worried about him.

Logan looked up from the paper he was looking at and shook his head.  “Fine.  If you’re going to be here, take a look at this.”

He handed the paper to Alec and shuffled around for a file.  Alec looked at the estimates they’d come up with for the current crop and the needs of the community and leaned forward to start reviewing it. 

It looked like Logan was putting him to work after all.

**

 

“Cadence,” she purred the name and Alec took a step back as she brushed past him, tip of her tail trailing over his chest.

Logan watched the scene with growing trepidation.  She’s practically ignored him as she came in even though Logan was the one explaining how they worked.  As soon as Alec showed up, she’d jumped out of her seat to get close to him.

“Cadence, this is Alec.”

“Pleasure,” Alec said, looking questioningly at Logan.  “I didn’t realize you were busy.”

“The car from San Francisco just dropped her off.”  Logan had thought they’d have time to talk to them and he’d offered them a place to stay for the night.  They’d been polite about it, but a few quick glances at Cadence and Logan understood that they just needed to be away from her.

He almost wished he’d listened to Mole.

“My friends call my Caddy,” she said to Alec, smiling up at him with her jet black face and white pointed teeth.  Her voice slurred slightly against the teeth but it just made her seem more exotic and more dangerous.

“And I’m still Alec,” Alec said to her, moving away from her to take a seat in front of Logan’s desk.

The girl’s eyes went wide at the rejection but then she narrowed them as she looked back at Logan.  “I’m tired.  May I please see my room?”

“I’ll have someone take you down to the Dorm.”     

“I won’t be staying here?”

“These are the main offices of Touchstone.  Everyone lives in the Dorm when they get here.”

“Why do I smell the two of you here then?” she demanded, leaning over Logan’s desk as she nearly hissed. 

Logan stood up, his patience at an end.  He’d had to fight to get her here and this was the way she acted?  “Where Alec and I sleep is none of your business.  We took you in because you were having trouble in San Francisco.  We’re opening up our home to you.  I suggest you take some time to see what we’re about, to rest up, and to put your attitude in check because tomorrow morning you’ll be put to work and no one will be taking it easy on you.  We all do a hard day’s work to contribute here.  If you missed what I was telling you before, someone in the Dorm’s is sure to be able to fill you in.”

There was a knock on the door’s frame and Logan looked up, grateful for the person on the other side.  “Thank you Dylan.  You’re just in time.  Can you take Cadence down to the Dorm?  It’s her first night on the farm.”

Cadence looked over her shoulder and Logan watched as her formerly hostile stance became softer, more seductive.  “Thank you so much for showing me the way,” she cooed, her tail wrapping around the X-6’s wrist.  He seemed slightly afraid of her but when she nodded to her bags, he picked them up and led her out of the main house.

Logan let out a deep breath as he watched them heading down the stairs and he looked down at Alec to find the corners of his lips turned up ever so slightly.

“Wow, she really got to you.  I don’t think you’ve ever disliked anyone so fast before.  Except me.”

Logan rolled his eyes because he didn’t want to get into it with Alec.  He didn’t want to talk about the way he had felt about Alec when he’d first come into his life, as assassin who was ready to turn Eyes Only over to Manticore.  He didn’t want to talk about the way he felt about Alec now either.  He wasn’t sure he even had words for it.  If he did, Alec would never let him live it down so Logan just shook his head. 

“She wasn’t even listening to me but as soon as you walked in, she was all over you.”

“Yeah, that tail was kinda freaky.”

“Alec.”  The other man looked at him and there was too much mirth in his eyes.  “We need to keep an eye on her.  I want to see if she’s reacting to me as an administrator, or if she’s reacting to me because I’m human.”

Alec nodded.  “Aye-aye Captain.”  He started to walk out the door, but stopped and looked back.  “And just so you know, I won’t tell her where I’m sleeping either.”

With a wink he was gone, quickly down the stairs and Logan was left in his office, alone, trying not to think about Alec and the wave of jealousy he’d felt when Cadence touched him.

**

The work is hard and no one is given much in the way of luxury.  Everyone has a warm bed, food to eat, and the knowledge that they’re safe for the night.  It was more than they had back in Terminal City and mostly it was appreciated.  There were always grumbles, bruised bodies and people saying someone wasn’t doing their share, but mostly it was good.  The Tribunal kept the justice if someone was adamant about unfair treatment and Logan was left to run the place.  Alec got to watch Logan and throw his two cents in every so often. 

Even with the good harvest they were getting, Alec couldn’t seem to relax.  He enjoyed the farm far more than he’d have thought he would.  Touchstone was a far better home than any other he’d had.  He was his own man here, not someone shuffled around by orders, nor someone who was doing what they had to in a world they didn’t understand.  Alec knew his role at the farm and he liked that aspect of it.  There were plenty of days when he was out in the dirt with everyone else.  He taught some of the older kids to pull weeds and the younger adults to work the animals.  He spent nights reading the books from the main room and learned more about the native flora than he really wanted to but it was all information that would help them succeed.  He’d learned about solar paneling and green house construction and how to compost.  He also took his time helping to design the walls that they were building around the farm.  So far, they’d managed to get the only road coming into the farm walled off.  It wouldn’t stop someone from coming around it, but it would slow down anyone coming through with big vehicles and that was a start.  The wall project would take a long time, but it was still going strong.

Alec was all over it, making sure that everything was running smoothly.  Of course, they still had Mole and he made a point of annoying Alec at least once a day, but he’d learned to accept that into the routine of his life.  Get up, eat breakfast with Logan, check in with the office and see if Logan needed him for anything, head out to the farm and help out where he was needed, lunch with the people he worked with usually taken as they lounged in the grass by the house or Dorm, and then back to the house to see what Logan needed in the afternoon with Mole interrupting him as he walked.

Today was no different.  The sun was high and the farm crew was taking a long lunch after back breaking harvesting that morning.  There was more work to be done but Syl’s people were out swimming or lying around the pond. 

Logan was with them, sitting at a picnic table the construction crew had put together a week before.  Lunch was spread out on the table in front of him and he was talking quietly to Syl.  Logan could tell from the distance that whatever was being said wasn’t great news.  It wasn’t as bad as another bounty on his head, but something was happening and neither Logan nor Syl were happy about it.

 

Before Alec could get Logan’s attention, he felt the soft brush of fur over his wrist and turned sharply.  There was muffled laughter behind him but Alec didn’t bother to look at them.  He glared at Cadence as she smiled seductively at him. 

“Going to join us for lunch, Alec?” she asked as she brought a hand up to rest against his chest.  “It feels so good to stretch out on the grass and relax.”

He grabbed her wrist and pushed her hand away.  “Cadence, I have other plans for lunch.”  He tried hard not to be rude to her, but Cadence was one of the problems that never seemed to go away.  The mention of her name gave him a headache – as many complaints as they had about her it wasn’t hard to figure out why – and he had started to tense up whenever he saw her.  She was constantly trying to touch him, making innuendos, and in general, rubbing him the wrong way.  He could see the way some of the others stared at him and he was afraid to ask what sort of rumors she was making up about him.  About them. 

“Think I’ll find a little shade.  It’s a bit warm for my tastes.”

Alec paced away from her and towards Logan.  The picnic table was close to the pond’s edge but most of the people that were lying closer were on the dock a few feet away.  Alec was always careful around water.  It wasn’t a phobia, but he preferred to keep his feet dry and he didn’t want to fall victim to pranks in the water. 

He took a seat next to Logan and didn’t bother to look at the other man to see if he needed privacy.  Nothing that happened on the farm was hidden between them.  If Syl had a complaint then Alec would know about it before the night’s end.   He wasn’t really paying attention though.  His attention was still on Cadence, annoyed and watchful as ever when she was close by.  She seemed to take any attention he gave her as attention and she was preening on the dock, black furred body stretched out on the wooden planks.

There was a mixed group around her as was usual at Touchstone, normal with transgenics no matter where you looked.  Cadence seemed to section them off whenever she was in a group though, like her DNA was mixed with a herding dog instead of a cat.  Even now, Alec watched as she teased Dylan into moving closer to her, gesturing him over to whisper into his ear before subtly moving to sit between the transgenics and the humans on the dock.  He didn’t know how she was so damn good at manipulating people but Alec was tired of dealing with it.  He knew Logan felt the same way.  It’d been the topic of more than one conversation.

“Alec, you sure you don’t want to join us in a swim?” Cadence asked, turning her body to stare at him over her shoulder.

“No thanks.  Thought everyone knew cats don’t like water.”

Alec knew without looking that Logan was frowning over his words.  Logan never liked it when Alec talked like he was a cat but in a lot of ways they resembled the animals they were mixed with and if Alec chose to make it a joke there were plenty of ordinaries who seemed more comfortable with that way of dealing with it. 

“I’m going to head back to the office,” Alec told Logan as he stood up.  “I should probably tackle all that paperwork you keep leaving on my desk.”

Logan gave him a tight smile but Alec knew his partner was aware of why he was leaving.  Alec could only put up with Cadence in small increments and today he’d been overloaded with her.  Syl didn’t say anything but she was watching Alec with a look he hadn’t seen before.  He wasn’t sure he liked it, but for an escapee Syl was pretty cool and he let it go.

He took a step back from the tables but he felt Cadence’s tail wrapped over his arm, the tip trailing over the nape of his neck.  “Come on Alec, come get wet with me.”

Alec didn’t have time to react before she grabbed him and pushed.  Her tail moved as quickly as her arms and while her tail cut his legs out from him, she pushed his shoulders, throwing him back into the pond.

It wasn’t deep water, but it came up to Alec’s torso on the few occasions he’d waded in.  Being off balance as he was, he fell into the water, completely submerging himself.  He held his breath, eyes held shut as he pulled himself down to the bottom.  He pushed away, trying to find a corner that he could hide in, a way to escape but he knew they would find him anyway.  No matter how many times he tried to come up for air, they always pushed him back under, forced him down longer and longer each time until he passed out and they had to revive him.  He felt the pressure on his lungs and tried to keep his calm, held back the screams that wanted to erupt from his throat before the need to breath built up inside him again. 

He had pushed far enough away though and he knew realized it was larger than the Manticore tank had been.  He went up for air, surprised when his head breeched the water’s surface and he wasn’t pushed back down or punished for surfacing early.  He stood up in the water, stunned to hear laughter and feel the bright sun on his face. 

“Alec?”  Logan’s voice called him back from the past and he focused on the other man, remembering where he was.  Who he was now. 

He shook his head, running his hands over his face and through his hair as if he was wringing the water from his body to hide his disorientation.  He felt a tremor in his limbs and started swimming back towards the shore to hide it.  He didn’t go for the dock, but a few feet away from it where Logan stood. 

“Come on Alec, stay in with us,” Cadence said.

Alec turned, glaring at her, and she finally seemed to notice the thin ice she walked on.  She had no idea what was going on in Alec’s head but he didn’t care.  They could all think him a humorless idiot but they were lucky he was trying to hold himself together or he’d have gone for her throat already.  Cadence  must have seen it in his eyes because she took a step back.  Syl stood up from the table then.  “Alight, lunch is over.  Time to get back to it folks.”

Alec turned and walked away, heading back towards the main house.  He could still feel the water in the back of his throat even though he hadn’t swallowed any today.  The same way he could feel the pain in his chest from where they’d had to resuscitate him and his fingers ached from where he’d pounded at the tank walls, looking for escape.  That hadn’t happened today though and Alec kept telling himself that.  He made it back to the mud room of the house, grateful for the spare towels they kept there.  He took off his shoes and socks and left them there as he stripped out of his shirt before he started to dry himself off. 

“Alec?”                                       

He ignored Logan’s words, afraid of what he’d see in Logan’s eyes if he looked up at him.  “Fuck, I need a shower now.”

He barely had the words out of his mouth before another tremor hit.  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to steady himself.  His mind might be a mess but he knew how to handle this.  He knew how to keep his shit together and he wasn’t going to lose it in front of Logan. 

“Alec?” 

He didn’t know when he’d sat down on the bench just inside the back door, or when Logan had crouched down in front of him, but there was a warmth coming from Logan’s hand on his thigh and the one on the back of his neck.  He held onto that feeling and let it ground him in the here in now, in Logan and Touchstone and the life he had.

There was more noise behind them and suddenly Logan stood up, pulling at Alec.  “Let’s get you to the shower.  I think the others are coming for the meeting.”

Alec didn’t say anything but he was grateful that Logan was helping him out of the mud room and up the stairs to their apartment.  Logan didn’t say anything as they got there, just unlocked the door and pushed Alec inside.  Alec was having a hard time thinking of what he should be doing and part of him knew it was shock but he still couldn’t wrap his brain around it.

The door closed behind him and Alec registered the way Logan moved away from him and into the bathroom.  He registered the gentle way Logan was talking to him, constantly moving around him, touching him, keeping him in the present. 

He walked with Logan when he wrapped his hand around Alec’s arm and pulled him into the bathroom. Steam filled the room and Alec leaned back against the wall as he felt Logan’s fingers begin to undo the button of his pants.

“Logan?”

“We need to get you warm, Alec,” Logan said with so much concern in his voice that Alec suddenly snapped back to himself. 

He took a deep breath, grabbing Logan’s hands before he could do any more.  “I got it,” he said softly, afraid to look Logan in the eye. 

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah, I got it.”

Logan walked out of the room after looking at him for a minute, but he didn’t close the door when he walked out and Alec didn’t particularly want a divider between them at the moment either.  He hated feeling so weak and needy, but he already knew that Logan had gotten under his skin and he needed to know the other man was close by. 

He was leaning against the shower wall, watching the warm water circle the drain, when he heard noise on the other side of the shower curtain.

“Are you going to tell me what that was?” 

Logan’s voice carried over the sound of the water but only just.  It held the same concern as before and Alec hated doing that to Logan.  After all the trouble he’d caused the other man, he didn’t want to add more.

“I don’t … I don’t like water,” Alec said softly.  He shut the water off, grateful that the shaking had stopped soon after he’d stepped into the shower’s warmth. 

A towel was thrown over the top of the curtain rod and Alec grabbed it, quickly drying his hair before wrapping it around his waist and opening the curtain.

Logan was standing against the door frame, watching.

“We were trained to stay under water for long periods of time,” Alec said as he stepped out of the shower.  He stood and looked himself in the mirror instead of having to look Logan in the eye.  It was easier that way and Logan gave him the time to pull himself together.

“I was inferior in breath control though.  I repeatedly fell below the standards for the rest of my unit and I was given extra training.  Which is a really nice way of saying they held me under the water until my breath capacity increased enough to join my unit.”

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Logan stiffen as he realized what they’d done.  “Alec, they could have killed you.”

There was terror in Logan’s voice and it never failed to confuse Alec when Logan seemed so distressed by what he’d been through.  “They did,” he said with a short laugh.  “More than once I was drowned and they had to resuscitate me so that I could continue the training.  Eventually my lungs were strong enough to handle the time under water and I got over it.  I just … I stay away from water most of the time and I keep my head up so it doesn’t bother me.  Today, with Cadence throwing me in like that, it felt too much like that.”

Logan didn’t say anything and Alec sighed.  “I’m sorry I worried you.”

He felt the warmth of Logan against his back and looked up in the mirror to see Logan right behind him, eyes boring into his with an expression he wished he didn’t know. 

“I’m fine, Logan.  It just spooked me a little.”

“You were in shock.”

He couldn’t deny it.  They both knew what shock looked like.  Hell, they both knew what Alec was suffering from too, if he was honest about it, but neither of them was going to put a name to it tonight.

“I’m fine.  Think I’ll just get dressed and find something to eat before the meeting.”

“Eat, then get some rest Alec,” Logan said as he finally backed out of Alec’s personal space.  “I’ll take care of the meeting myself.”

“You sure you ca-”

“I’ll manage.  If they really want you there then we’ll reschedule until tomorrow.”

Logan’s fingers trailed over Alec’s barcode and he shivered with the touch, but then Logan was gone and Alec took a deep breath before going to his room and getting dressed.  He’d stay in their apartment, but only because he had those books to read and he knew he needed to keep to himself.  He didn’t know what he’d do around Cadence tonight and he was pretty sure no one on Touchstone wanted to find out.

[ ](http://hunters-retreat.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/432/26769)

** 

It wasn’t hard to figure out, though Logan’s mind kept returning to it time and time again.  He knew that Alec wasn’t what he seemed, what Logan had once thought he was.  When he had met Alec it’d been at the other end of his gun, Max hovering over him as Alec explained the poison that was running through his veins.  Alec had been cold and threatening back then.  He’d accepted his life as an assassin for Manticore and he’d learned not to want anything more.  When he was sent to watch Logan die, he’d been happy enough to take the assignment. 

Over time, Alec had grown into the man he was supposed to be.  He wasn’t cold and calculating like the man Logan had seen.  The Alec he knew was passionate and loyal.  He cared about the community he lived in and he worked hard to make sure everyone was safe.  When Max left the community, Alec had been brash and headstrong.  He and Max fought about everything and it was only after she was gone that Logan realized Alec did it all to make Max a better leader.  When she left, he stepped up and took on her responsibilities, but he did the same thing with the Tribunal, teaching them to think for the community.  As Alec became more a fixture in Logan’s life, Alec became the one person Logan could turn to.  He was a confidante, the perfect partner for Logan to bounce ideas off of, and in the end, a good friend.  Alec was one of the most noble people he’d ever met and only a handful of people got to see the truth of that. 

There were times when Logan saw something almost vulnerable in Alec, like that afternoon.  He’d wanted to strangle Cadence more than once since she’d arrived at Toushstone – almost everyone had – but never more than when he’d seen Alec’s eyes as he climbed out of the water.  No one else noticed it, too caught up in their laughter to see the moment where Alec started shaking, but Logan had never seen anything bother Alec like that.       

His explanation was horrifying, like almost everything heard about his upbringing in Manticore, but Logan could see the way Alec was disconnected from the events.  He knew it was a coping mechanism Alec used.  Max had used it as well, though her trauma at the hands of Manticore had ended much earlier.  It gave them a way to talk about the terrible things that had been done to them without breaking them down. 

Logan sighed as he dropped the book to the desk.  No matter how much he loved rereading Sherlock Holmes, he just wasn’t able to focus on it tonight.  He was too restless to sleep and no matter what he tried to do – reading, work, research – he couldn’t keep his mind of Alec. 

He didn’t want to admit to this thing between them, but it was a little late to start the denial now.  It had been there for a while, the gnawing feeling at the pit of his stomach whenever he saw someone take too much of an interest in Alec.  The transgenic was known for his string of one nighters in the community – he kept it honest so no one said anything.  He’d apparently learned his lesson from his Jam Pony days – and even though Logan knew they didn’t mean anything more than a night of stress relief and fun it bothered him to see Alec walked off with someone.

Cadence had brought it fully to light of course.  She couldn’t walk past Alec without letting that tail of hers slide up Alec’s back or wrap around his wrist and try to pull him closer.  No matter how much Logan knew Alec disliked her, he felt the twinge of jealousy all the same. 

He knew there was something there.  It wasn’t one sided.  Alec trusted him in ways he didn’t trust anyone else.  Logan wasn’t sure Alec had ever been as deeply involved with anyone as he was Logan.  They worked hard to pull the community together and even before their current living arrangements, they’d been at each other’s side almost every waking hour for months on end.  Logan never tired of Alec’s company and Alec never seemed to feel the need to cover the silences that often crept up with tacky humor or senseless trivia the way he sometimes did with other people to hide his intelligence.  Their current relationship might have begun as two men mourning for a dear friend, but they’d moved quickly past that to becoming true companions.

Logan pushed away from the desk, wishing he could push the thoughts away as easily.  He walked out of the bedroom and through the living area to the kitchen to get some water.  He was quiet as he opened the cabinet and pulled a cup down.  He was just as quiet getting the pitcher of water out of the fridge.  Alec was a light sleeper and he usually woke up when Logan was restless.  Damn genetically engineered hearing kept Alec awake whenever Logan was. 

Logan took a long drink, focusing on the cool water as it dripped down the back of his throat.  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  He was normally better able to control his thoughts.  It was Alec though and he’d been the exception to just about every rule Logan had. 

He heard a noise from the bedrooms and sighed, wondering how long before Alec joined him.  He went to take another drink but stopped before it reached his lips.  He heard another sound from Alec’s room, but he could hear it better this time and it wasn’t Alec up and awake. 

Logan set the cup down and walked back towards the bedrooms, listening carefully.  He heard a moan on the other side of Alec’s door but it wasn’t the pleasurable kind.  Logan closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  He didn’t want to ignore this.  He didn’t want to go to his own room and try to hide the fact that he knew Alec was having a nightmare.  He didn’t want Alec to have to suffer through it on his own, not when it was bad enough to have him screaming out in the night.  Another scream filled the air, wordless and pain filled, and Logan turned the doorknob, letting himself into Alec’s room.  

The only light in the room was the reflection of moon light through the open window and Logan was captivated by the shadowy figure on the bed.  Alec wasn’t moving, but his hands were clenched tight in the sheets, the blanket lying in a puddle on the floor where Alec must have kicked it off at some point. 

“Alec?” Logan said his name softly.  He wasn’t sure what Alec would do if Logan had to touch him to wake him up but he couldn’t leave his friend in the grasp of the nightmare like that.  He had a good enough idea of what Alec was dreaming about. 

Alec didn’t wake to his voice.  Logan took a deep breath and sat down on the edge of Alec’s bed.  He stayed at the edge of the bed in case Alec woke violently, but he reached out, touching Alec’s shoulder gently.  The touch was all it took and Alec’s eyes shot open as he sat up in bed, gulping in air. 

“You’re alright, Alec,” Logan said softly, reaching across the space to touch Alec’s shoulder again. 

Alec didn’t seem to be aware of him.  He kept taking deep breaths and Logan moved closer until he could grab both of Alec’s shoulders.  “Alec, look at me.  It’s Logan.  I’m here.  You’re alright.”

“I’m alright,” Alec whispered, his voice trembling and less certain than Logan had ever heard from him before.     

“I’ve got you, Alec.”                                                               

He wasn’t sure what to expect, but it wasn’t for Alec to bury his head in Logan’s neck.  Logan wrapped him tighter in his arms, awkwardly patting his back.  Alec leaned more heavily into his body and Logan let go of all the ways he knew Alec would respond to his care and began calmly rubbing his arm up and down Alec’s back.  He turned his head, breathing in Alec’s scent as he whispered a continuous litany of comfort until Alec finally relaxed against him. 

Logan didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but when Alec’s back stiffened under his touch Logan let him pull back.

“I’m alright, Logan,” he said softly.

“Yeah, I can tell.  What’s going on with you, Alec?”   

It was the wrong thing to say apparently because Alec’s eyes narrowed slightly and Logan could see the anger creeping in.  “It’s fine.”

“Don’t do this.”

“What?”  Alec got off the bed to go stand against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. 

Logan wanted to scream at him, but there was a wet patch on his shirt from the tears Alec would never admit to releasing and the nightmare was still in Alec’s eyes.  “Don’t shut me out now.  You need help.”

“Fuck you, Logan!” Alec yelled.  “You think you know what I need?  You don’t know the half of it but I’m keeping it together for you and Touchstone and everything else that needs a piece of me right now.  I might not be great at it, but I’m dealing, Logan and I don’t need you looking over my shoulder on top of everything else.”

Logan felt the words like a slap to the face.  He wanted to help Alec and he’d thought for a few minutes that Alec had actually been comforted by him.  He knew he had, but Alec was reverting to old tactics to keep his misery to himself.  As much as Logan hated it, he knew there was nothing else he could do.  No matter how much this thing between them seemed to grow, he wasn’t sure Alec would ever be able to accept what they could be.  He wasn’t even sure Alec was capable of opening himself up to another person like that again and it hurt to realize it now, after Logan had started to understand just how far he’d fallen for Alec. 

“Fine, if you don’t need me, I’ll leave.”

He pushed up off the bed and turned his back on Alec.  He didn’t stop until he was back in his own room, sliding between the cool covers to try to find a way to put Alec from his mind.  It wouldn’t work, he knew, but Alec never made anything easy on him.  When he finally closed his eyes in the early hours of the morning, it was to fitful dreams of the pained look in Alec’s eyes and sleep warmed skin against his hands.

**

 

“We really can’t keep this up,” Logan said softly, eyes staring out the window of his office to look over the fields.  He didn’t need to be closer to know that the two people he was looking at were fighting.

“How long has it been this bad?”

Logan turned around in his chair and looked at the man in front of him.  No one could have guessed at the way things would turn out the day transgenics holed up in Jam Pony and took hostages but the man in front of him was one of the good surprised.  Sketchy had been aching for a larger purpose, running from story to story about transgenics and Manticore before it all happened, but learning that the people he worked with were genetically engineered had changed his opinion about the whole thing. 

“Since she got here,” Logan admitted.  “Cadence has trouble with ordinaries,” he knew he sounded defeated but he’d hoped that he could help the transgenic.  Even Mole, who had a less than stellar view of humans, had been able to integrate into their community without much of an issue.  It felt too much like a failure to have to find another place for Cadence but he knew he needed to. 

“You know, I’ve got a friend down in San Diego who has a place for transgenics.  There are some humans there helping him out, but mostly it’s transgenics helping other transgenics deal with what they’ve been through.  He used to work at Jam Pony, before Alec came along.  Herbal.  You must have heard Max-”

He stopped as soon as he said her name and Logan let out a deep breath.  “Yeah, I heard Max talk about him.  I don’t remember him that well though.  How did he get involved with all of this?”

“Same way as me.  Just knew some people and when it all came to light he had friends that were transgenic.  Some of them had been through some bad shit and he helped them create a place for them to help each other out.  If she’s having this much trouble with humans, it might be the best place for her.  For now anyway.”

“I’d heard about it before, but I haven’t been able to send out anyone to make an alliance.  You think Herbal would take Cadence in?”

“I was planning on heading up to Terminal City when I was done here, but I can put that on hold to see if Herbal has room for another lost soul.  It’s what he does though and I’m sure he’ll take her in.”

Logan turned back to look out the window.  “Yeah, thanks Sketchy.  I wouldn’t turn her out if there was no place for her to go, but if she can get help then I appreciate anything you could do.  I’ll write up a letter for you to take to Herbal.”

“What, do I look like a messenger?”

Logan smiled at the joking tone of Sketch’s words.  “You do look like this guy I used to know.”  He didn’t really though.  Sketchy had grown into a dedicated and honest reporter.  Unlike Eyes Only who kept his face in the dark, Sketchy travelled and made sure his stories got out to the masses.  He moved across the country with a dedicated group of friends who worked with him and protected him as he dug deeper into the corruption of the world.  He also made sure that the Trans-human Movement got a fair account when the stories were told.  He was welcome to the community and Logan was glad to call him a friend.

“So what about that other guy you used to know?” Sketchy asked, looking pointedly out the window where Logan’s attention kept turning.  “He’s not the same.”

Logan shook his head.  “Your guess is as good as mine, Sketch.  Alec doesn’t let anyone know what’s going on in his head.”

“I thought you broke him of that habit?”

“So did I.”

Sketchy gave him a small smile.  “You know, after OC died when you and Alec pulled together to keep the Movement going, I thought for sure you’d just chew each other up.  I figured you’d both go your own ways and it would end just as bad as it began.”

Sketchy was one of the few people who knew the whole truth of how Alec and Logan had met.  Alec had confessed it to him after the blockades around Terminal City had fallen and they’d thought that they had a chance of making it work in Seattle.

“But you didn’t.  Alec helped you relax and let go.  You helped Alec connect to something, to a cause.  To a person.  You were both more relaxed.  Whatever is going on between you two now though, it’s making him close up again.  I don’t mind admitting how surprised I was when he walked away from us at lunch.”

Logan had been as well. He knew that things had been rough between Alec and himself since the nightmares had begun, but he’d expected Alec to want to catch up with Sketchy once he’d gotten through all the hellos and delivering the news he had.  It bothered Logan to know that Alec was shutting everyone out and not just him.

“He’s dealing with something right now.  He won’t let me help and I don’t know what else to do but wait for him to remember he’s not alone.”

Sketchy dropped a hand to Logan’s shoulder and smiled.  “You aren’t either.  I think it’s time I took a crack at our boy.”

**

 Alec stared down at the ground beneath his feet and did his best not to scowl at the others.  Even Mole was giving him a wide berth today and it said something about his mood that Alec couldn’t even appreciate a Mole-less day.  It started out the same as every other; waking from another nightmare and stepping out of his room to find Logan with his goddamned all-knowing eyes.  They’d shared the same stunted conversation over breakfast, hashed out the daily schedule, before Alec disappeared from the house and tried to bury his head in farming or building or whatever manual labor he could find that would keep the memories out of his head. 

It wasn’t working.  It didn’t matter what he did, something always came up to remind him of his days at Manticore.  It was eating away at him and he hated that it was coming out now, after he’d been out of their clutches for so long.  He hated that it was happening when Logan needed him to have his shit together. 

Cadence’s never ending round of flirt-push-degrade had broken his resolve to try to get along with the transgenic – again – and even if the taunts about his relationship with Logan were completely unfounded, not even Alec could believe the lie that things were fine between them.

“What did that piece of dirt ever do to you?”

Alec looked up at the familiar voice but he was too tired to put on his patented don’t-I-look-fine smile.  “Hey Sketch. What brings you out to the fields today?  You’re not going to stick around and do an honest day’s work, are you?”

“God forbid.  I’ll leave that to the farmers.  I’m just a lowly reporter who’d probably burn down the farm if I attempted to help out.”

Alec couldn’t help but smile at Sketchy’s self-deprecating sense of humor.  He’d certainly changed over the years, but in good ways.  His childlike enthusiasm for a story had become dedication and he’d matured into a responsible adult.  Who knew Sketchy had that in him?

“As opposed to the other reporter running this place?”

“Logan might burn it down if he was on his own, but I know you’re here to keep him in line.”

Alec barely refrained from rolling his eyes at the idea of keeping Logan in line.  The man damn well did whatever he wanted to, no matter what anyone else thought about it, and Alec had gotten really good at fixing it.  Alright, so that wasn’t exactly fair but Alec was having a hard time lately and just when he’d gotten used to the idea of Logan being around, he wasn’t. 

“Logan wouldn’t know where to find a match on the farm.  You think they even let us into the kitchen to turn on the stove?”

Sketchy laughed.  “It’s a pretty nice set up you got here, though.  Especially you and Logan up in the main house, all cozy like.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”  He knew he was off kilter.  He shouldn’t responded to Sketchy’s comment like that but the other man had no idea how cozy it had been there for a while, nor how distant Logan seemed lately.  Alec knew wh

y the other man was pulling away but it didn’t make it any easier to deal with.

“Just … noticing.  I always thought you two would get along well enough without Max in the way.”

There was no flinching in Sketchy’s voice as he mentioned Max and it was a relief.  No one talked about Max and Cindy in front of him anymore, except for Logan and he was as closely guarded about them as Alec was.  He didn’t know if it was Logan’s own sense of grief or a fear of what Alec would say about them, but Logan kept his thoughts and feelings about them to himself.  Mostly, Alec was alright with it.  It didn’t bother him when Sketch mentioned her though and Alec wondered if that was what it felt like; to be free of the guilt.

“Yeah, well Max liked to stir the pot and see what she could dredge up.  Logan doesn’t need the drama she had going on.”  There was a lot more he could say about it, things that were far more accurate to his real feelings than that, but he wasn’t willing to give Sketchy more ammunition against him. 

His friend just smiled though.  “True enough.”  Sketch looked at him for a second, then shook his head.  “Doesn’t really deserve this either though.”

“What?”

“You, cutting him off the way you are.  Everyone around here is walking on egg shells around you man and I’m just surprised Logan hasn’t called you on it yet.”

Alec snorted because his temper was shorter than ever right now but it was entirely to do with Logan and the fact that Logan had pulled away from Alec because of his stupid nightmares.  Alec understood, he did.  He just never thought that Logan would consider Alec, even with his issues, too much trouble to deal with.

“Yeah, well when Logan decides he wants to talk to me again, I’m sure it’ll be the first thing he says.”

Sketchy’s face was almost comical, the way his eyes widened and mouth fell open, but Alec was shushing him before he could say anything else.  He heard someone crying.  He didn’t tell Sketchy, but ran off to the main house where he’d heard it, the other man running behind him.

He got there just in time to see one of the kids trying to get up from the ground.  Matty was only five and he’d obviously taken a nasty fall from one of the fruit trees and he was holding his arm against his chest. 

“Matty,” Alec called the boy’s name.  Others were on their way, Alec could hear them running towards them but he was the first there.  Matty was crying, tears streaking his face as he whimpered in pain.  It was just an accident, but it struck Alec hard, that the boy was hurt at Touchstone.  “It’s alright.  We’ll make sure you’re alright.”

He crouched down so he could look at the boy’s arm but pulled away as soon as he saw it.  The bone was protruding and Alec couldn’t breathe as green eyes looked up at him, imploring him to do something. 

He could feel an arm around his shoulder as he stared through the window across the medical bed to the boy lying there.  “We’ll make sure you’re alright, so long as you remember who you are 494,” the voice said softly in his ear.  “And if you don’t, there are so many things more terrible than death.  We’ll teach you every one.”

As she said it, he watched the young boy as they broke his arm, bone protruding through the skin in two places.  The boy screamed, but Alec didn’t hear it.  He could only hear her voice and stare down at his younger clone who understood that whatever they were doing to him was just about Alec.  It was the same when they broke his legs and healed him.  It was the same when they drowned him the day before that, holding him under water time and time again only to resuscitate him. 

“It’s alright, 494.  We’ll get your head on straight and you’ll be fine.  We’ll make sure you’re always alright.”

It was always the same and the only way to stop it was to agree to whatever Manticore wanted him to do.  No matter what the job was, this was waiting for him if he screwed up again.   This was what waited for him if he failed again the way he had with Rachael. 

“Alec?”

He shivered as a hand touched his shoulder, closing his eyes and trying to remember where he was.

“Alec, are you alright?”

It was Logan.  He didn’t know how long he’d been standing there but Matty was gone and only Sketchy and Mole were with them behind the house. 

“He hasn’t said a word since the kid showed him his arm,” Sketchy said to the others.  Alec wanted to say something about being alright but no words would come.  He shivered again and felt someone pulling at his arms, leading him away.  He didn’t have the will to fight the movement so he went.

It wasn’t a long walk to the house, but they didn’t stop at the lower level.  Alec was pulled back into his apartment and pushed down into his bed.  The voices didn’t stop talking around him, but nothing made much sense until Logan sat on the bed beside him, looking down.

“Just get some sleep, Alec.  I’m here.”

He closed his eyes because Logan was talking to him again, looking like he cared, and he didn’t want to disrupt the momentary truce.  Besides, he was tired and he didn’t want to remember the look in his clone’s eyes as he’d set the first break, knowing it was just one of many before Alec finally broke.

**

“He was frozen.  I’ve never seen an X-5 freeze like that before.”

The last thing Logan wanted at that exact moment was to listen to Mole’s opinion of Alec’s mental state.  He didn’t really want Sketchy’s either but Alec was asleep in his bed and Logan had to deal with this now, while he could.  He had no idea what Alec would be like when he woke up.  If it was anything like his reaction to the pond incident then Logan needed time to think and plan.  He needed to find a way to get past Alec’s defenses and keep him from backing off again. 

He had no idea what was happening lately.  He’d tried to give Alec the space he seemed to need to get through this, but nothing was working.  Alec was just pulling away from him instead of figuring out how to deal with the nightmares and flashbacks.  Logan hadn’t felt this much distance between them since before they’d holed up in Jam Pony with White on their backs.  He had no idea how to bridge the gap between them, but he was ready to lock Alec in a room and have at it until the other man agreed to tell him what was wrong.

 “I couldn’t look at the boy’s arm.  It was freaky stuff man.”  Sketchy said, leaning against the small dining table. 

“Not for Alec it wasn’t.” 

There was something strange in Mole’s voice.  If it had been anyone else, Logan would have thought it was concern but Mole and Alec had a long standing agreement to dislike one another and Logan didn’t think Mole would be the one to break it.  Only there was something going on there and Logan was too focused on Alec in the other room to understand.

“Everyone has something they can’t handle,” Logan said almost absently.

“You don’t get it.  For all the work you do with us, you don’t get it,” Mole said, but the anger in his voice was gone.  “The X-5 series weren’t allowed to have faults.  If they did, they went to psy-ops or they never came back.”

“We’ve had glimpses of the way the X-5s were trained.  Max took us through it,” Sketchy said quietly.

“Really?  Max told you? The girl who escaped when she was 10?  What would she know about training?  They were barely getting started with her unit when they split.  And I’ll tell you something else,” Mole said, walking closer to Sketchy.  “For the rest of the series they left behind it was worse.  They trained until there was no way a flaw could have gone unnoticed.  Then Alec’s pretty boy twin went off the reservation and became a serial killer.  Alec was already under the guns.  What do you think they did then?”

Sketchy turned wide eyes to Logan and Mole followed with a sneer on his face.  “A broken arm, a little bone, that’s nothing that would take an X-5 out of his game, and certainly not someone like Alec.  Whatever the hell just happened out there, Alec is cracking and you need to take care of it before he becomes dangerous.”

“You really think Alec is a danger?”

Mole stood up taller, straightening his shoulders.  “Most dangerous man you’ve ever met, and we both know what happened when the other one lost it.”

Mole walked out of the apartment then and Logan let out a deep breath. 

“A serial killer?”

“It’s a long story, but Alec had a twin named Ben.  He was part of Max’s unit.  He didn’t do so well on the outside and he became a killer.  Alec said he was back in psy-ops because of what his twin did.  I don’t think he or Max ever wanted anyone to know just what that meant though.”

Sketchy sighed.  “Sounds like your boy, alright.  So, what do we do now?”

Alec shook his head.  “You have messages to deliver and I have a farm to run,” he said softly.  “But I’ll talk to Alec.  Whatever is going on in his head, I’ll make him talk.  I’m not letting him push me away again.”

“He thinks you don’t want to talk to him.”

“What? Alec said that?”

“Yeah, so whatever is happening between you two, you better clear things up.  I’d hate to come back next time around and find one of you dead.”

Logan laughed and it felt good to just relax for a minute.  “Yeah, we’ll take care of it.”

They stayed a while longer, catching up about the world around them, but then Sketchy walked out to find his bed for the evening and Logan was left alone.  He walked into Alec’s room and watched the way his friend turned towards him as if he senses Logan’s presence.  Logan didn’t say anything, but he pulled the chair out from Alec’s desk and moved it next to the bed.  He sat there, wondering how he was going to make things right between them.  He didn’t have an answer, but he fell asleep where he was, thinking he’d stay right there until he figured it out.

**

Alec woke quickly.  Manticore made sure he was a light sleeper, through enhanced senses and training that ensured he didn’t allow anyone close while he slept.  Except that right there at his side, sleeping in a chair, was Logan.  Somehow Logan had slipped through that bit of protection and Alec’s internal warning system no longer registered him as a possible threat.  It was unnerving, but as he tried to sit up, Logan twitched awake. 

“Alec?  Are you okay?”

Alec sat up, trying to ignore the way the memories of the day before tried to spring into his head.  He groaned, more concerned about the weakness he knew the others had seen in him than anything else.   “Yeah, I’m fine.  Don’t you have something better to do than to stare at me?  I know I’m pretty but-”

“Stop, Alec.” 

“Logan.”

“No.  This is enough.  I don’t know what else to do to help you Alec but I won’t let you keep pushing me away.  What happened yesterday?”

“I didn’t push you away Logan.”  He wasn’t sure how Logan could think that he was.  Their recent conversations were as cut and dry as you could get and Logan had stopped asking for answers.  “You stopped asking and I didn’t have to answer any more.”

Logan stood up and Alec knew the other man was angry but he was pacing along the foot of Alec’s bed to contain it.  “I was giving you the space until you were ready to talk to me but after yesterday I can’t just sit back.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong,” Alec growled. 

“No, but you didn’t do anything.”

 He had nothing to say to that.  Alec could see the moment in his head, the moment when he’d seen Matty’s protruding bone and seen his clone instead of the boy in front of him.  What he couldn’t remember was what happened after that. By the time Alec had been able to pull away from the flashback the boy was gone and so was almost everyone else who’d come to hear his cries. 

“You think I don’t know that?” Alec snapped.  He got out of bed and pulled on a clean shirt before walking out of the bedroom towards the bathroom.  He didn’t want to do this today – hell he’d prefer to do it never – but Logan was pushing and Alec knew the way the other man worked.  He wasn’t going to let it drop.  The biggest problem was that Alec actually wanted to tell Logan.  He wanted to rely on the other man and that was always trouble.

He’d half expected Logan to follow him into the bathroom but he was alone as he turned the taps to start the shower.  He stripped quickly and stepped under the cool water.  Usually the shower helped him calm down, allowed him to relax without eyes on him and the constant pressure to be something he wasn’t, but today it was too much.  Even the water that pooled around his feet made his chest feel constricted and Alec pushed himself against the back wall of the shower to try to catch his breath. 

He knew better than to close his eyes because he’d be right back there, that stupid tank and his under developed lungs and the crushing feel of the water as it poured down his throat when he couldn’t hold on any longer. 

He didn’t bother turning off the shower, but stepped out, grabbing and down to wrap around his waist as he stalked out towards the windows in the living area.  He didn’t want to go back to his room, where Logan might be waiting, where the walls were definitely waiting.  Alec didn’t like water or closed spaces or hospitals and right now anything that spiked his adrenaline level was probably a bad place to be.

He stared out at the farm but the light was fading.  He’d been asleep for longer than he would have liked.  There were no nightmares after the flashback today but Alec hasn’t expected any.  He was too shut down for that.  It would come later though, tonight, maybe tomorrow.   Maybe next week.  He didn’t know and he hated waiting for it.  Alec refused to be a victim; for Manticore or for his own dreams.

He didn’t know when Logan came out of his bedroom but he heard the water turn off in the bathroom and Alec was just relieved that he didn’t have to go in there and face the water again.  Logan was awesome like that though and Alec knew – damn it – that he’d have to deal with this now.  He might have bitched his way out of it again, or at least postponed it enough to get his shit together before he talked about it, but not now.  Not when he couldn’t stay in the shower long enough to turn the damn water off.

Logan didn’t approach him yet though and Alec just stared out across the fields, watching people coming and going from the main house to the apartments they’d been able to make out of the back barns.  Some were obviously going about business, walking with strong, purposeful strides, while others took leisurely walks together.  He and Logan did it quite often, before the last month had dragged Alec down.  They’d head out into the fields where no one was around and talk about what they needed to do next, how to handle problems, or sometimes just staring up at the stars.  It was comforting to Alec, to have the open sky above.  It was what he needed tonight, he realized, but he didn’t want to be out there alone.

He clenched his fists and it was only then that Logan approached.  He didn’t say anything, but Alec knew his friend had been watching him, waiting for the moment when Alec might be ready.  “I need to get out of here,” Alec said softly.

He stared towards the door and realized Logan wasn’t behind him.  He looked back and saw the shocked look on Logan’s face.  “Are you coming?”

Logan was moving before the look of shock left his face.  Alec wasn’t sure what had caused Logan to look like that, but he was grateful the other man didn’t ask any questions as they walked out of the house and towards the fields.

There was a small walkway between the fields and they were hidden from other’s by the tall wheat stalks of the field Alec led them to.  He turned into the wheat field and led them further in.  Alec had taken Logan there before and it was as close to seclusion as you could get on the farm.  It wasn’t the center of the field, but it was far enough in to keep anyone from hearing what they said.  As they stepped out of the wheat and into the small clearing, Alec felt himself relax a little more.  There was a large rock in the center and Logan walked past Alec to climb onto the rock and find his customary seat, back against a rock face as he stretched long legs out in front of him.  Alec crawled up beside him and took his place as well, lying on his back on the large rock with his head cradled in his arms. 

They stared up for a few minutes, neither of them talking until Alec felt Logan shifting.  “Come here,” he said softly.

Alec looked over to Logan and felt his friend pulling at him.  He was pulled closer and then Logan let out a contented sigh as Alec’s head was resting on Logan’s thigh. 

Alec waited for Logan to say something but he didn’t.  Alec kept his own silence for a while, letting his eyes drift shut when he felt Logan’s fingers running lightly through his hair.  He’d never had anyone do that, never let anyone close enough to get that sort of physical contact.  It felt off that Logan was the first one to do it, but right in ways that Alec refused to think about.

The night air was beginning to cool down and Alec wondered if they would just fall asleep like that when Logan finally broke the silence.

“You’re scaring me, Alec.”

“I’d never hurt you, Logan.”

“I’m not scared of you Alec,” Logan said with the sort of quiet conviction that always undid Alec.  “I’m scared for you.  You aren’t dealing with this and I don’t know how to help you if you don’t tell me what I can do.”

“There’s nothing you can do, Logan,” Alec said softly.  “It’s better sometimes.  Worse sometimes.  This just happens to be one of the worse times.”

“Because I let them bring Cadence here.”

Alec took a deep breath.  “No, because someone held me underwater until I drowned.”  Alec had already told him about that but he needed Logan to know it wasn’t his fault.  None of it was.  “It happened because someone decided I was too weak when I couldn’t kill Rachael and they decided to use someone else to show me what they could do to me, if I didn’t comply.  I … I had to watch as they took my clone and hurt him over and over again.  It didn’t matter what I said; they just kept hurting him.  Drowning, bleeding him, breaking his bones.  They just kept doing it to show that they would always fine me and they would always heal me so that I could keep doing their work.  So I learned not to question my orders and I followed through with it because I knew what was in store for me if I didn’t.  I learned to be alright because I knew they’d do it if I couldn’t.”

“Alec,” Logan’s voice sounded wrecked but his fingers never stopped moving through Alec’s hair. 

“I saw Matty’s arm and I had a flashback.  The clone didn’t have a name but I never even knew his number.  I don’t know if he survived or if he died in the fire.  Hell, he could have been dead before that I had no idea.  I didn’t look because I didn’t want to get caught doing something I shouldn’t.”

There was silence for a few minutes and Alec took deep breaths to keep the calm that had begun to settle over him before he began talking to Logan.

“I don’t know how to help, Alec.”

Alec already knew that.  He knew there were a few others on the farm that had post-traumatic stress disorder and they had a variety of treatments.  Alec wasn’t really a candidate for drug therapy with his overactive metabolism though and he didn’t feel he could talk to anyone else about it. 

“I feel better, here,” Alec confessed.  “I didn’t want you to see me like this, but I don’t think I can talk to anyone else about it.”

“Did … did Max help?  Before?”

Alec let out a snort at that.  “No.  She knew about psy-ops but she’d never been through it.  She had no idea what it really was.  For them it was just a scary place people went that made them come out different or they just disappeared altogether.  Max was never good at facing up to what the rest of us went through because she left.  I think that’s why the fire bothered her so much.  Why she needed to help the transgenics out when they were released into the population.”

“It makes sense,” Logan said softly.  “But what I really care about right now is helping you, not Max.”

Alec didn’t say anything about that.  “This helps.  I know you don’t believe me, but it does.  Just being able to talk to you about it.”

“Yeah, I know how easy that is for you.”

There was a gentle teasing in Logan’s voice, a note that had been absent in the last month.  Alec had missed it.  “Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me now.”

“Somehow, I think I’ll be alright.”

Alec opened his eyes and looked up at Logan.  His friend’s face was tipped up to the stars but his fingers were scratching lightly at Alec’s scalp.  He wasn’t a cat but it felt damn good and there was something serene in the way Logan looked now, the awkwardness that had settled between them was gone from his face and Alec wasn’t about to do anything to stop that.  Instead, he watched Logan, relaxed even further into his touch, and let them both take comfort in the moment.

**

 

It didn’t change anything.  Alec still had nightmares and their walks to the wheat field became more common as Alec opened up to Logan.  Logan wasn’t sure if it made Alec feel better or not, but there seemed to be fewer nightmares and there hadn’t been any other incidents lately either.  It wasn’t a cure, but Alec was talking to him again and they were working again.  The weight of their problems seemed to melt away as Alec began sitting in his office again, teasing Logan mercilessly about everything, and in general making Logan’s life easier. 

Everyone else seemed to notice as well and people were laughing and joking with Alec again.  Sketchy had delivered his message and come back to take Cadence to the new community where, if the messages he received were correct, she was thriving.  With only a few humans to confront, Cadence opened up to the new community and she was finally beginning to deal with the things that had happened to her, both at Manticore’s hands and in human hands after her escape.

That didn’t mean there were no problems though and Logan shook his head as he waited for Alec to come back to him.  There had been three injuries in the last two weeks.  The first two he could put off as faulty equipment or operator error, but the third, after they’d re-inspected and drilled operational safety into everyone was too much to be coincidence.

As Alec slipped into the office, his face was grim.  “Someone is tampering with the equipment.”

Logan let his head drop back and closed his eyes, grateful that they were alone for a moment.  Mole would be up there soon and maybe the other Tribunal members, though they tended to let Mole deal with this sort of situation. 

“You think they’re following us here?”

There was no need to say who they were.  Logan and Alec had talked about it before and there wasn’t a good answer.  Logan was just surprised it had taken so long for it to happen.

“Yeah.  Someone did this on purpose.”

“To what end?  In Terminal City we knew they were coming after certain people.  There’s no way someone could guess what equipment anyone would be using.”

“All three times I was scheduled to work in the area of the accidents,” Alec said, though Logan was very well aware of the fact.  

“You really think an assassin was hoping to get lucky?”

“Or hoping to rattle us.  We left Terminal City in part because of the assassination attempts.  Maybe someone is hoping that the community will get spooked and pack it up.”

Logan sighed.  “So this is just going to get worse, until someone really gets hurt.”

Alec nodded.  “I don’t think the assassin is going to wait any longer.  He’s not giving a lot of time between the accidents.  He either has a timeline or he’s growing impatient.  He’s ready to make his move now.”

“So how do we stop him?”

“We start patrols.”

They’d talked about the need to have their border patrolled and all the roads to the farm had gates constructed to keep anyone from coming at them in force but they had hoped that time and distance would end the assassination attempts.  Logan felt naïve for the hope, but they had plans in place for just that reason.

“Alright, but you aren’t on patrol, Alec.  No one that was scheduled for all three of the accident areas should be.”

“You don’t think I was the target?”

“I think it would be stupid of us to assume it was only you.”

**

Mole wasn’t happy about being pulled from the patrol but when Logan explained he and Alec were the possible targets, he calmed down.  Alec wasn’t any happier about being left out of the perimeter patrols either, but he knew Logan’s logic was sound.  Besides, if the assassin was as good as Alec thought, he was going to sneak past the perimeter anyway and Alec would have to face him there.  He wished he could have sent Logan away somehow, but he wasn’t moving from the house and there wasn’t a reason – other than Alec’s fears for his safety – and Logan wasn’t that easily swayed.

Alec had talked to Syl though and the work was moved away from the fields by the house without alerting anyone to his concern.  As an X-5 she understood why he was doing it.  Logan wouldn’t have agreed, but in this Alec left him in the dark.  It kept the main house mostly empty and as the evening grew, Alec knew he’d made the right call.  His skin itched, like he was being watched, and he knew without a doubt that their assassin had run out of patience. 

“We should send word to Sketchy,” Logan said softly.  They’d had dinner in the outer fields with the rest of the community.  The kitchen back there wasn’t as fancy as the one in the main house but that didn’t stop the cooks from making great food there.  With the farm taking up as much space as it did, it wasn’t always practical to have only one kitchen working so they had added the second one a few months after they’d arrived at Touchstone. 

It was nice to walk back with Logan, just the two of them since the main house’s kitchen was empty tonight.

“We’ve got a good crop coming in already.  We should be able to trade for anything we need and we can take on more people if he knows anyone who wants to join us.”

Alec nodded because that was the whole point of this big experiment, to see if they could cohabitate together and to add to the community as they were able to sustain themselves.   

“Sketchy said he was coming through in another few months.  We’ll have him pass the word along.  Maybe send some produce along with him as a good faith gesture.”

Logan nodded, but neither one of them was really all that focused on work.  It felt right, walking with Logan at his side, shoulders brushing together as they made their way home, if it weren’t for the feeling of being watched.

“It’s here,” Alec said softly.  Logan didn’t stop walking but he looked at Alec and he could see the way the other man’s eyes widened.  He knew what Alec meant and he was waiting for Alec to make the next call.

“Alec, down!”

A female voice roared through the silence and Alec threw himself at Logan, taking both of them down to the ground as a round of gunfire burst around them.   There was no sound of gunfire, just the rounds hitting the dirt and he knew then that the rest of the farm wouldn’t be alerted to their danger.

Alec knew the voice and he’d have been running towards it at any other time to see what the hell she was doing there, but there was someone trying to kill them and Alec knew he’d get a chance later.

Logan rolled out from under Alec and shuffled back behind a large stack of hay that lined the walkway.  It wasn’t usually there but they’d moved them along the main path recently to make sure there was a place to duck behind.  Mole had argued that it was a great place to hide for an assassin, but Alec wasn’t worried about an assassin trying to get up close and personal.  Alec was able to handle and fight but it was long distance weapons fire that he needed to worry about.

“That was,” Logan said as they sat with their back to the hay.  His eyes were wide and Alec just nodded.

“Yeah, it was.  When this is all done, we’ll find out why she’s here.  Good timing though,” Alec said.  He didn’t think it was that though.  There was a reason another X-5 showed up just in time to warn Alec about the assassination attempt and it wasn’t a coincidence.

Another round of fire hit as Alec stood up, trying to get a better view of the situation.  He ducked back behind the hay but it let him know that the attacker was moving.  The shots hadn’t been fired from the same position. 

“He’s coming.”

“Maybe we should have listened to Mole’s paranoia and walked around armed,” Logan said with a small smile. 

Alec snorted at that.  “Mole wanted to walk around with a rocket launcher.  I’m not that paranoid and most of the attacks have been directed at me.”

Logan’s smile was tight, but they’d both been in this sort of situation before and they defused the tension as best they could, while they could.

“Come out 494!”

It was unexpected, that the assassin was asking him to step forward, but it might give Logan a chance to get away before things got bad, maybe get back to the others for back up.  Logan gripped his wrist tightly though and Alec knew from the look in his eyes that Logan wasn’t going anywhere.  If Alec stepped away from their cover, Logan would be right at his side.

“I’m not really that interested in a date with a bullet so I think I’ll stay right where I am,” he yelled out over the barrier.

There was a laugh from the other side.  “I understand your predicament but it wasn’t a request.  You step away or I’ll go to the other end of the farm and start killing everyone there.”

Alec actually thought about letting him for a minute.  There were plenty of transgenics at the other end and they’d be able to take a single assassin out.  No everyone was transgenic though.  There  were humans there, and even the transgenic children would be hurt if he came across a group of kids.   

Alec took a deep breath and just h

ad to hope that he had help on the way.

“Alright, fine.”  He stood up and Logan did also, stepping out from behind the hay stack on opposite sides. 

The man in front of them smiled, a gun pulled from his belt to hold on Logan without hesitation.  He was dressed in standard issue camoflaugue gear and weapons.  He could be from any branch of the armed forces or just a mercenary.  He had a hard look to his eyes though.  He was obviously good at what he did and he wasn’t surprised by Logan’s move which meant he’d been watching them for a while.

“You aren’t here for us, are you?” Alec asked.  It made sense.  If he’d been watching for that long then he’d have had plenty of times to take Logan and Alec out.  He wasn’t there for them, or anyone else that was a regular part of the farm.  He’d been waiting for someone to show up.

“Max?” Logan asked.

“You two didn’t even try to make it hard to find you,” the assassin said with a sneer.  “Max went underground though and no one was able to flush her out.  I needed her to know I took the hit on you to draw her out.”

“You really think you’re going to kill the both of us?” Alec asked with a laugh.  “Before the rest of the farm figures out what is going on and you get caught by a mob of transgenics?”

“I’ll take my chances.”

“That must be a pretty hefty fee you’re getting there,” Logan said. 

 “Oh, it’s more than just a fee.  I don’t hunt genetic freaks for money.”

“Great, he’s a fanatic,” Alec moaned. 

“But a fanatic for who?” Max asked as she came into the clearing.   “That’s what I couldn’t figure out.  I mean, I knew you were a creep, but I just wasn’t sure what flavor.” 

She didn’t carry a gun, she never did, but with the three of them there he had to divert his attention.  To Alec’s chagrin, he didn’t take the gun off Logan, but left Max uncovered. 

“This is all for me,” he said softly.  “I had the contract out on the both of you for a long time, but no one seemed to be able to finish the job.  This time I decided to just do it myself.”

“We’re flattered, really,” Max said as she took a step closer to him.  “But we don’t plan on just lying down and dying.  Hope you don’t mind.”

There was a strange laugh from the assassin and he smiled.  “I don’t mind, but I don’t intend to play fair either.”

He fired the weapon and Alec dove in front of Logan before he had a chance to think.  He felt the bullet hit as the force of it knocked him into Logan.  Logan stumbled under his weight and they both fell to the ground.

“Alec?”

There were sounds in the background, Max fighting and yelling to get the attention of the rest of the farm inhabitants and Logan was moving out from under him, hands finding the wound in his back.  Alec felt pressure against his back. 

“Alec, hold on,” Logan whispered.  “They’re coming.”

The fight was over, Alec knew.  A human against a transgenic wasn’t much of a fight, but Alec had been unwilling to move while a gun was pointed at Logan.  Max hadn’t had to worry about that.  He could hear her voice though he couldn’t make out the words.   It meant that she’d left the assassin alive. 

Alec wouldn’t have, but he and Max were as different as night and day, no matter that they were both Manticore trained. 

“Alec, talk to me,” Logan said, his hands  pulling at Alec’s shirt as others came up beside him. 

“Logan?  Alright?”  His body was becoming numb and he knew he wasn’t going to remain conscious much longer.

“I’m alright,” Logan said, “We’re all alright.  Max got him and Touchstone is safe now.  You just hold on, Alec.  We’re going to take care of you.”

He wanted to say something but no words came. 

“Alec, don’t you die,” he heard Max’s order and he almost smiled at the idea that somehow he’d managed to get Max back.  He wasn’t strong enough to fight for Logan but at least Max was back and he’d have someone at his back after Alec was gone.

It was his last thought before he let the pain take over and he blacked out.

**

Logan stared down at his hands, waiting.

Max was sitting two seats over, still afraid to get too close.  They hadn’t spent enough time together lately to be used to the dance they did, being close and not touching.  He didn’t know what to say to her.  She got up and started pacing again. 

They were both waiting.

“He’s gone,” Mole said as way of announcing himself to the room.  “Syl and Gemma went themselves to make sure Sung gets him.”

“That’s a long way to take a fugitive,” Max commented.

“It’s the only way I know he’ll get justice,” Logan answered.  He nodded to Mole.  “We’ll let you know as soon as we have news.”

“We’re all waiting to hear.”

Mole left without another word and Logan and Max were left alone again.

“I never thought I’d see the day Alec put someone else above himself.”

It was Max, trying to stir up trouble but Logan was pissed.  “No, you wouldn’t expect it because you left.  You wouldn’t know anything about the Alec that’s been by my side since Cindy died.”  He didn’t pull his punches this time.  “He’s different now, he’s … you have no idea what he is.”

Max looked at him, wide eyed, and he could see the moment she made the connection.  The one he never wanted to make himself.

“You’re in love with him?”

Logan dropped his head.  He wasn’t sure why he was considering having this conversation when he refused to admit how he felt, but the way Max said it was something between disbelief and awe.

“Yeah.”

“You’re lovers?  How could you, I mean, Alec?  Does he?  That’s why he did it.”

“No, he did it because that’s who he is now, Max.  And we’re not lovers.  It’s not that simple.”

“Maybe you should explain it to me, Logan.”  Max said as she sat down.  There was no anger in her eyes, just curiosity. 

Logan nodded, and started talking.  
  


**

 

Alec was in surgery for seven hours and he slept for three days.  Logan was a mess the entire time and Max kept Mole and the others from bothering him.  He wasn’t sure what she was doing, but she’d already assured him that she wasn’t staying.  He felt an odd relief even as she wished she would stay.  Max had changed over the years, but so had Alec and Logan and he wasn’t sure how they would all do together anymore.  

She hadn’t left yet though so he was grateful for her interference.  He didn’t know what words she’d had with Alec once he’d woken up, but when Logan walked into the room that morning and found the two of them together, they’d been laughing.  She’d left, but Alec’s mood had been jovial all day after that.

Logan was ready to have him home though.  He hated thinking about Alec in the farm’s small medical facility.  Logan smiled as he walked into the room and found Alec in sweatpants and a tee shirt.

“About time,” Alec said with a grin.  “They weren’t going to let me leave until you got here.  I think we need to talk to them Logan.  Honestly, it’s not a hospital and I’m perfectly fine.”

“How did you get your shoes tied?”

Alec glared at him but there was no heat behind it.  “I’m just a little stiff.”

“Then let’s get you home.  I’m sure the medical beds aren’t as nice as what you’re used to.”

“The stuff them with hay, I’m sure of it.”

Logan rolled his eyes but he walked with Alec who didn’t need an escort.  Everyone was a little protective of him since Alec had thrown himself in front of a bullet for Logan and Logan didn’t feel the need to stop anyone.  They’d managed to keep Alec in bed one day longer than Logan had hoped for. 

It wasn’t that Logan didn’t want Alec around.  In fact, Logan spent most of the last couple days parked in a chair beside Alec’s bed or just down the hall, talking to people about what needed to get done on the farm.  Logan just didn’t think that Alec would take the rest his body needed.  Yes, Alec was healed.  Except for a little stiffness, his transgenic body was completely healed.  That didn’t mean that Alec didn’t need to give his body some time to rest though.  Logan had some plans for the next few days on how to keep Alec at his desk – or better yet, Logan’s – but for today he just wanted Alec home.

It was a good walk, just the two of them, though they came across people along the way, all of them waving and yelling to Alec, thanking him or wishing him well.  Logan knew Alec was surprised at the affection of the people around him, even though Logan knew Touchstone adored him.

They got back to the main house and Logan walked slowly behind Alec as he walked up the stairs and into the apartment.  He went straight to bed, much to Logan’s surprise, and Logan brought him the pill he was supposed to take tonight.  It wasn’t the normal pill, but Logan knew his partner too well and without it, Alec would be back on his feet tonight and trying to run things.  Besides, if Alec woke up it would ruin their surprise. 

Alec took the pill and laid down in his bed, sighing deeply.  Logan watched him for a moment, too used to being able to look without Alec being aware, but pulled away when he realized Alec was watching him too. 

“Get some real sleep, Alec,” he said softly, pulling the sheet up over his body.  

Alec grabbed his hand before he could pull away.  Their eyes met and Logan wasn’t sure what he saw in the transgenic’s eyes but it wasn’t new … just … intense.  “Stay.”

He didn’t say anything, but kicked off his shoes and crawled onto the other side of the bed.  When Alec turned over to his side to look at him, Logan just smiled.  Alec returned it for a moment before the medication took hold and then his eyes were closing.  He fell asleep with a smile on his face and Logan laid there for a while longer, watching Alec, before he got up and got everything ready.

**

“Where are we going?” Alec demanded as Logan pulled him out of the chair.

“Everyone’s been worried about you.  We’ll just walk down to the Dorm so everyone can see you up and about again.”

Alec watched Logan closely.  Something was going on and the other man wouldn’t say what.  Not that Alec didn’t trust Logan, but there was trust and trust and sometimes Logan did things that Alec just didn’t understand. 

“Fine, but I don’t see why I can’t just sit on the porch and have them parade in front of me.  That’s what this is.”

“Maybe,” Logan said with a fond smile.  “But you’re going to go so stop complaining.”

Alec wasn’t really against going out, but he’d fallen asleep with Logan beside him and he’d woken with Logan sitting in his bed, reading a book.  It was a nice change to the way things usually were and Alec wasn’t really ready to share Logan just yet.  He’d like to have just sat on the front porch tonight, looking up at the stars together.  Logan was adamant though and Logan usually got his way when he was like this.

“Fine,” he got up and followed Logan out of the house.  He felt good, especially for someone who’d nearly died on the operating table.  Being an X-5 did have some advantages.  As much as he wanted some space, some time to think about Max and the quick visit she’d made before she’d taken off again, he needed to be close to Logan.  So if Logan said get up and go out, that’s what he was doing.

The walk was quiet, full dark had taken hold about an hour earlier and Alec knew most people would be heading to bed soon.  It was a farm after all and the work began at sunrise if not before, so it was a surprise to get half way to the Dorm and find a huge bonfire in one of the fallow fields.  People were spread around it on blankets or sitting in the freshly tilled dirt.  It was silent as they walked up, everyone watching for a minute before Logan stopped them and turned to look at Alec.  He was smiling warmly and Alec raised a questioning brow at him before smiling back.

“It’s good to have you back again, Alec.”

A cheer went up around the bonfire and everyone was calling his name then, coming up to pound him on the back or embrace him.  He was kissed on the cheek by some of the women, most of them looking askance at Logan afterwards.  Logan disappeared for a minute, then turned up with a cup of homebrew.  It was strong and rough but Alec sipped it, unable to keep the smile off his face as he and Logan were led to a couch that had been dragged out into the field.  They had an excellent view as some of the others brought out instruments and started playing music.  People were dancing and laughing and celebrating something that Alec just didn’t understand.

“What are we celebrating, exactly?”

“We’re free from the bounty hunters.  We’re celebrating because we don’t have to look over our shoulders anymore.  But mostly, we’re celebrating that you’re healthy and smiling and still with us after doing the most incredibly stupid thing.”

“Logan.  I couldn’t just watch-”

“I know but I had to … we had to wait for you to get better and no matter what else I think about you taking a bullet for me, I’m grateful that you’re still here.  So just celebrate with us, Alec.”

Alec was afraid of this thing, this growing warmth in his chest but the way Logan looked at him was too intense to look away from.  He finally nodded and Logan turned to look at the figures as they danced around, twirling to the music.  It was a good night to be at Touchstone, a good night to be alive, and when Logan reached for his hand and twined their fingers together, Alec didn’t pull away.

**

The journey back home wasn’t long but they took their time, laughing about their friends and grateful that they’d called tomorrow a rest day for the whole farm. 

Logan pulled Alec into the house and up the stairs to their apartment but pushed Alec into his bedroom before he could do anything stupid.  There was something about Alec tonight, something open about him, that made Logan think just maybe they were on the same page finally.  Maybe the whole ordeal had let Alec know that Logan was crazy about him, for him, because of him.

He wasn’t going to jeopardize everything thing by moving too fast.  Instead, he went to his own room and stripped out of his shirt and pants, ready to slide between the sheets.

“Logan?”

Logan looked up at the sound of Alec’s voice.  “Are you okay?”

Alec’s shirt was off – and Logan refused to take advantage of the view, no matter how much he wanted to push Alec down onto his bed and lick his way up Alec’s torso – but he was still dressed otherwise.

“Yeah, I just need a little help.”  Logan stared at him but then Alec walked in and took a seat on the bed, tapping one foot on the other.

Logan realized what it was and nearly blushed.  “Sorry, I didn’t think about the boots.”  He sat on his knees between Alec’s legs and began working the tie of his boots open.  He took his time, pulling the string loose and working each boot gently off Alec’s foot.  When he was done, he slipped the socks off his feet, tickling the arch lightly just to hear Alec laugh.  When he looked up, the heat in Alec’s eyes took his breath away.

Alec reached a hand out to touch along Logan’s face before resting it against the side of his neck.  “You know, back when the world made sense, none of this was possible.  I was just a killer and you were a hero.  I knew when I met Max that she was going to be the sort of trouble I got into, but I never would have realized how far from home she’d bring me.  I never realized I had to be lost to find a real home.  When that killer pointed the gun at you, I couldn’t even breathe Logan.  When he pulled the trigger, all I could think what that I couldn’t lose you.”

Logan didn’t wait any longer or ask Alec for a stronger declaration.  He surged up, catching Alec’s lips against his own.  Alec pulled him close and opened under him, lips as soft and sweet as Logan always knew they’d be.  Logan slid his tongue into Alec’s waiting mouth and they both moaned into it, bodies arching closer.  Alec started to slide back on the bed, pulling Logan up with him and Logan let the X-5 manhandle him until they were both lying on the bed.  Alec was leaning over him and Logan wasn’t sure how that happened. 

He wasn’t complaining though when Alec stripped out of his clothes and pulled Logan’s boxers off.  He wasn’t complaining when Alec opened him up and slid into his body.  He wasn’t complaining as Alec kissed him, sweet and tender as he continued to slide in and out of his body.  When Alec wrapped his fingers around Logan’s swollen cock, he barely touched him before Logan was gasping his name, come spilling between them as Alec painted his insides.

When Alec slipped out of his body, Logan pulled him close, not letting Alec get even a thought of returning to his room.  “Stay,” he said, mimicking Alec’s words from earlier.

Alec smiled at him and pulled him close, letting Logan rest against his chest. 

“Back when the world made sense, I was so busy trying to save everyone because I didn’t know how to save myself.  I was afraid of getting hurt and loving someone.  Even with Max, I kept myself guarded.  Out here, where everything is so damn different, I was able to let go of all that.  I used to think it was because of the change in settings or being surrounded by the community here, but then I realized it wasn’t that at all.”

“No?”

“No.  Back when the world made sense, I didn’t have you at my side.  Now I do, and that’s all the difference I needed.”

Alec’s smile dropped and he touched Logan’s face lightly.  He’d never thought to feel this again, never thought to get to live with it, but he did and he’d learned to take the chance when it came.  “I love you, Logan.”

Logan’s eyes went wide and Alec would have laughed at it, if his heart weren’t beating so fast in his chest.

“I love you too, Alec.”

He reached up and kissed Alec and there was a passion there that Alec understood now.  When he pulled back, he looked at Logan and smiled.  “Max will never let us hear the end of this.”

Logan laughed.  “Yeah, she gave me a good chewing out about taking better care of you.”

“Me too.  Said she’d be back around to make sure I did it.”

“Another thing that wouldn’t have happened, back when the world made sense.”

Alec kissed him softly again, feeling the old ache of Max’s disappearance and OC’s death finally healing.  When Logan settled against him, sleep overtaking him, Alec just closed his eyes and breathed him in.  It was a different world than he’d grown up in, a different place, and he was a different man.

Back then, he’d had the comfort of orders and routine.  He’d had food and clothes and all the necessities taken care of for him.  Back then, he’d felt safe. 

No, he had back breaking work and a world of people to take care of.  He had arguments with Mole and the Tribunal and difficulty with the farm.  But he also had people that cared for him, that worried and looked out for him.  He had Logan, and he had love.

It wasn’t the world he thought he’d spend his life in, but it was a far better place to be.  Looking down at Logan, he knew that no matter what else happened, he’d never trade this for anything, not even for the days when the world made sense.


	2. Touchstone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Touchstone was his home, but Logan was his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the December Drabble Days

It was almost time to wake.  Alec let out a deep breath and pulled his lover closer to him.  If he could convince Logan to stay in bed he would, but there was too much to do at Touchstone with the harvest on them and all the extra hands that had come to help them.  Still, he pressed a kiss to Logan’s sleeping lips.  
  
Just in case.  
  
“Alec.” The way Logan moaned his name was enough to get him through the long work day.  
  
Touchstone was his home, but Logan was his life.  The touchstone of his heart.  His everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to the mod's for this amazing challenge! And all my love to my amazing artist sillie82!


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